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| shiloh fire 2007-08-08 ch 3,  | abusethat was interesting... |
| shiloh fire 2007-08-08 ch 2, | abuse...um i don't know what to say. i don't want to be mean because compared to the last chapter it's so much better but it still seems like you're rushing it. like how you just casually throw in "a month later" or "outside" and it just seems to me like you really don't want to throw in any of the filler to develop your characters. sometimes you just want to get to the juicy parts, but you have to build up to them. the story might be about steph and zack but it can't JUST be about steph and zack. write about steph just doing something in her bedroom and you could have her THINKING about zack because it would give the readers a break. i don't know. it's your story. i guess you can do whatever you want. |
| The Cowardly Lion 2007-07-26 ch 3, | abuseOkay I changed my mind. I 'll keep reading but who the hell is Kate? |
| The Cowardly Lion 2007-07-26 ch 2, | abuseAs a rule I'm not going to finish a story like this. Too much anime, but I like what I have read. One question...Who's Kate? like in the story? |
| shiloh fire 2007-06-14 ch 1, | abuseum haha it seemed real rushed and not enough time to really digest stuff. you have a LOT of dialogue and not very much detail. we know that sack wears glasses, but that's about it.. and we know there was a sidewalk. it'd be 10x better if there was a bit more detail so we could get a picture of the surroundings. right now, i can't even get a picture of these characters. maybe...for the second chapter...if you could include descrpitions that would be GREAT because i'm dying to know what zack looks like. |