This seems like a story with a good ammount of potential- Yes, the "person who sees ghost and the gets involved with exorcists and the sort" type of story is a bit overused, but I'm sure you can make this story stand out from the others. I've read your work in and I really liked it. That saids, I'm sure I'll like this too. ^^

This chapter is really great! I like the story so far, its really great, and I like how you portray Lena as a someone who doesnt really deal with society that much, now has society drag her to them, its pretty interesting. I also like certain events in this story that really caught my attention and also drew in curiosity such as what was that apparition or shadow she just saw at home, or what exactly the Hells pound detective association is.

I cant wait for the next chapter, keep up the awesome work, cuz all in all this story is pretty interesting! x]

Awsome, update soon

WOW...i really love the storyplot a lot!
It's very interesting to read. I'm thrilled!
Please update more!

I love to read what happen next to her. Can't wait!

Please continue write more!

Thanks,
KaronePrincess

Yay, I found you!! : D
I like the story, very much.
Very well written, with and excellent plot, and the characters are superb!
Please continue : 3

(btw this is Tsukihime-chan from dA!)

Your first sentence is very catchy, but there are a few grammatical errors within it. You may want to consider changing it to something like, "A living hell. Yep, that was what my life was all about - a living hell." Because the way it is right now, it's just a run-on sentence. Catchy, and interesting, but still a run-on.

Also, throughout the rest of the chapter, you're missing quite a few commas. You don't necessarily need to fix them if you don't want to. I'm just an english major who's a stickler for grammar :-)

Bob haircut doesn't need to be capitalized.

"...a girl with a straight A student but with a bad reputation..." Does Crystal have a girl, or is she a girl who's a straight A student? You may want to reword this sentence to something like, "a straight A student with a bad reputation." Or something.

Female bullies? Love that. Usually the bullies are guys, so it's nice to see something different.

Also, I really love the three girls. Jennifer, in particular. Their personalities are well-rounded and believable.

The words you've bolded, you may want to change to italics. Bold words tend to detract from someone's reading pattern, kind of sticking out like a sore thumb. Italics are much easier on the eye :-)

The bolded section that begins with, "huff, huff “Someone, please…” Is this meant to be a dream? If so, you may want to separate it with a break, or maybe write a quick sentence introducing it as a dream sequence. Just for clarification.

Very interesting story, what with the girls being killed and all. Besides a few grammatical errors, your story is intriguing. You've woven a good plot, and I can't wait to see what happens next. Please continue.

Cheers,
Sammy

Nice story! it's interesting and SEXY vampire?? update more soon!!

Please write more soon?

lol, cool. Kain and Ai are the coolest characters here, though when is muta going to be introduced as a real character and not like a "sub" character? Update soon!

good story. but that kind of freaks me out that such a happy person with their smiles and all can be as ugly as a "demon", but hey sucks for her. anyways, update soon!(since its a good story.)

Funky. Please write more soon?

Like your last reviewer said, the summary does catch the eye. I thought the idea of a Pound in/of Hell sounded intriguing. That last line about the touch on her neck makes me think that the boy is the aforementioned vampire... but I guess we'll see.

Hey that was pretty good. The summary catches the eye. Curious of what might happen next.