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| Anders Bruce 2007-07-31 ch 1, | abuseAll of your writing I've read so far has held bound within it the inimitable pulsing power of truth. This poem conveys such a vivid sense of feeling even to someone who, like me, has never ventured further west than Tennessee, whose beach experiences are confined to the US east coast. And the experience of writing poetry at night is peerless. Recently, having not slept, I happened across the Nine Inch Nails song "The Day the World Went Away" in iTunes. It was the bleakest part of the night. I had been fiddling with the fullscreen setting of my favorite writing app, Scrivener, and had settled on this mellow indigo background color with blazing yellow text. And -- I started writing. I don't even know how many poems I wrote, some of them sensical and some of them partly nonsense even to me, and it felt like the days before I had omnipresent Internet access and it was just me and a hulking beige box running Windows 95 and a word processor released by a company that's been out of business for ten years. And I know that I look at those days through the rheumy lens of nostalgia, and sometimes I'll reflect upon my past reflections on the days when all I knew was writing. And I'll know as I'm reflecting, that in a year or two I'll be looking back on __these__ days, or days in the near future/past when the beat of the world starts me on a writing frenzy again, as being days when all I knew was writing. And -- well -- your writing makes me think. It has a uniquely disconcerting quality to it. I hope to someday soon read your words, in print, without need for this blazing plasma edifice. |
| Affinity 2007-07-11 ch 1, | abuseWow this is wonderful. The beginning sounds so much like a song, but as I kept reading it was almost like a dream. It has that hazy surreal feeling. Awesome =) |
| AuraBorealis 2007-07-09 ch 1, | abusewow. that was very amazing but how do you do that line thing at the bottom |
| Jen H.M. 2007-07-05 ch 1, | abuseThis is really lovely. I love the name "Oceansvillewhatever." I've never been to California, but this made me feel like I was there, riding in a car and daydreaming. Beautiful. By the way, I know the feeling of having to wake up in the "wee hours of the morning" to write something down. |
| Karmatic 2007-07-03 ch 1, | abuseReally placid, suave, I have to say that this kind of places and moments are going to get stick with you forever |
| Victoria Barlow 2007-06-28 ch 1, | abuseWow this is amazing! I loved it. It's beautiful, really. This is so going on my favs. |
| ADSpencer 2007-06-26 ch 1, | abuseVery advanced poetry form! I've got to say, I like the overall style you just in creating this scene. Nicely done. |
| Katalystic 2007-06-21 ch 1, | abuseWithout a doubt, stanza 3 is my favourite. I love the rythmn and the reptition of the first line from the 2nd stanza. Overall, it's something different, and I find it thoroughly enjoyable! The only thing that throws it off a bit is the lack of capitalization, but that could very much be intentional (what do I know?). Cheers - Kat |
| <3 2007-06-20 ch 1, anon. | abusereminds me of a place i've been before. i enjoyed reading a lot. i'm sorry i don't have any criticism, it's never been my thing. i figured at least a review would be good. |
| Kissing Concrete 2007-06-17 ch 1, | abusethis is amazing! i really love the message and how california is good and bad. the imagery is surreal and this is going on my favorite stories list!! WOW- keep writing! |
| Mr. Flick 2007-06-17 ch 1, | abuseI really like this. A lot. I will definitely read more of your work. My only critique is in the lines "...pedro with the boom / booming 1987 chevrolet..." It could be entirely intentional, but the "boom" followed by "booming" sort of interrupted the flow for me. I still really like this piece. |
| Moon Drops 2007-06-17 ch 1, | abusePotential poems have kept me up far later than I wanted, too. I sympathize. =) As for critiquing it, I'm not quite sure what to say. I'm at a loss for words. My tongue seems to be bound in chains. |
| Definition 2007-06-17 ch 1, | abuseI really like your style of writing. Once again, this is executed flawlessly. Great description and imaginery - amazing job! |
| perpetual questions 2007-06-15 ch 1, | abuseI'm sorry, but I can't critique this; I don't see anything upon which you could improve. I liked it quite a lot; the word choice, imagery, non-capitalised style, and the rhythm all gave this a very pleasant feeling that also seemed philosophical in a way I can't quite articulate. Well written. Hmm, not very helpful. :/ Sorry. |