 LookInside 2009-09-22 . chapter 1This poem was absolutely amazing, I've been searching the archives of the site for something as good as this for a long time. It's truly rare to find something that is this well written.
A few suggestions:
1)Try to keep more of a meter going, count syllables and don't skip up and down, try to keep them all around the same amout.
2) Try to keep the rhymes a little bit more in-tact, this one really isn't that bad though, I just noticed that it switched around a little (ABAB to AABB) and I couldn't tell what the purpose for doing so was.
You're really an amazing writer, keep practicing and writing and I think you could potentially become very well know. |
 RawrEllieMayMightBeADinosaur 2009-06-20 . chapter 1Good poem. This is odd, but I really liked the summary, it really drew me in. Made me want to read it.
I got a little confused, a little lost. I'm not sure why, something about the speed. It seemed to move a little fast, but then again, that could have been your goal.
The last stanza wasn't as good as it could have been, I expected a more powerful ending. Aside from those two things, bravo. Great job.
-Review love from the RM, link's in my profile. |
 GraySide2550 2008-11-10 . chapter 1 I adore this poem! Great work! 5 stars. |
 RazorManic 2008-09-23 . chapter 1I can't offer you anything but a job well done, most of the things are noticed are already stated by the others who reviewed. But anyways i liked the poem. Keep it up! |
 iTSALLD0WNHiLLFR0MHERE 2008-08-08 . chapter 1Title does not suck to me! I thought it was great and so is Fall Out Boy! (I read your Bio) But back to the poem...I liked it alot, I wouldnt change a thing if I was you. and your a fav! :) |
 Landcaster 2008-07-19 . chapter 1That was really beautiful. The imagery and description that you used was really awesome; there were so many lovely, poetic lines. And the ending was quite apt and sweet. You certainly have a way with words. |
 Lurid Black 2008-01-11 . chapter 1Wow, really well written, words chosen with deep thought, its pulsing with emotion, no improvement needed, title is fine btw =]. Great poem, keep writing... and i'll keep reading!
~Lurid~ |
 Lilyre and Livvyg 2007-12-08 . chapter 1This is really good. I'm not entirely sure how the last two lines relate to the rest of the poem, but it's good nonetheless. Changes in rhyme scheme also kind of bother me, but it works with the poem and doesn't detract. Very well-written. May your pen never run out of ink!
~Livvyg |
 concerto49 2007-08-22 . chapter 1Hm, interesting, you switched tense half way, on purpose?
Guess, nothing is a destination - I mean where do we stop?
You have some interesting ideas really. Don't know what to say about them. Perhaps it's just different to what I'd imagine.
"your hearts beat" - heart beats
Anyhow. Cheers. |
 XsilentXescapeX 2007-07-28 . chapter 1good descriptions. i liked it |
 H.L. Darlows 2007-07-24 . chapter 1Well, as a previous reviewer said, the title isn't that bad (maybe a little...). I have enjoyed reading this. A wonderful message, well written. The rhyming was good, though a little weaker in some places. It does have a nice rhythm to it and I find it uplifting. Apologies I can't offer anything more constructive at the moment, so I'll just say: good work! |
 smile for the sunshine 2007-07-24 . chapter 1Aw, it was really sweet. I really liked it. The title didn't stink too bad. Some of my best poems have really stupid titles. Some have titles that don't have too much correlation with the poem. Well, they do but it's surprising how it ends. Anyways, I think it ended kinda short but it was really nice. I liked it. =] |
 Daughter of the Faeries 2007-07-01 . chapter 1The title isn't bad at all. The subtitle "..then I've embarked on an eternal journey" doesn't fit with the poem, though, because it uses first person while the entire poem refers to "you."
Your rhyme scheme skipped around a bit, which threw me off a little, but it wasn't too disruptive to the poem. The last few stanzas were a little strange, however, because there wasn't any rhyme at all. Overall, though it was very good. I love the line "reaching for someone that's never been there."
Keep writing!
~Daughter of the Faeries |
 Complications 2007-06-18 . chapter 1I loved the title and that little summary underneath it was quite poetic on it's own. As for your poem, it melted my mushy heart (because I love good poetry). Thank you that was beautiful. the imagery was fantastic. |
 SilentxSoul 2007-06-17 . chapter 1Its nice, but the rhyme pattern is rather odd. Its great though, and dont worry about the title. The importance is what it represents. |