 A Day Late 2007-06-18 . chapter 1mm straight sex seems a little weird to me, i think i read too much slash! but regardless, it was a very nice first chapter =). my only problems were that four (i think?) other characters were mentioned, but never really explained. then again, i realize you'll introduce them later so it's not a big deal. so i guess i'm saying it might feel overwhelming at first, but it's not something you should worry about. haha pointless ramble. anyway! the other problem i had was that the first sentence was really confusing at first. i had to reread it a couple times to understand what you meant... maybe you could revise it? otherwise, great start and i can't wait for the next chapter! |