I really liked this poem, yes it was depressing, but it had a lot of feeling in it. Your spelling in this poem has really improved and that's great. You should be careful to proofread your writing before pasting it on fictionpress because a lot of times all people will see is the mistakes and not the actual writing. When you write with proper spelling and grammar it adds to your message and makes the meaning clear. When you don't spell things right or use proper grammar a lot of times the message that you're trying to convey gets lost, because they're trying to figure out what you're saying. I think that you're a good writer but you should start learning better grammar and spelling yourself because that'll really help and you won't have to rely as much on Chloe to proofread your work. Oh jeez, that was a really long review wasn't it? Sorry if I offended you, that wasn't really my intention, if I did just contact me and I'll apologize.

I think nearly everyone can relate to this poem. I know i can. Many times over.

this was really great, and very meaningful/heartbreaking. your friend was very correct in that statement. nice work!

I've been looking through a lot of your stuff.

Proofreading has definitely helped your work. This poem shows such an improvement that it's unbelievable. It was almost unfathomable to me that a 16 year old person would ever write like this. It makes me want to smack your teachers for doing a completely unthorough job.

Your work is good, spelling, grammar and punctuation aside. You create powerful images and great symbolisms.

I'm NOT here to flame you. But, like pretty much every one else that reviews you, I feel that you seriously have got to work on your spelling. Not just proofreading, but in your daily life. Honestly, trying to read your older stuff hurts my brain. I do see vast improvement, but I would love to see you make more of these improvements on your own, and rely less and less on a proofreader.

Stopping with the chatspeak and using numbers in your sentences has helped alot. I don't know why people think it looks 'kewl'. It really doesn't, and I read a lot slower when I have to figure out what you actually mean (not in symbolism but what an actual word is.

Keep writing, keep improving, keep creating!

-Lyrena

nice i liked this one too. i'm slowly making my way throughall yo stories. so far i like 'em. good job. tell chloe she's good ay proof-readin. hahaha jk. cant wait for more.

That was actually fairly interesting now that I can understand what you are writing. I am not a huge fan of ultra angsty love poems so I still don't find this to be fantastic, but I liked it.

~RM

I miss your old style. :(

dis wuz reely hrtbraking tho, keep riting!!11!1

Yes! It's words and finally your poem looks good.

It's good that you finally listened to the advice you were getting.

The poem itself isn't bad. It's not brilliant but the imagery is understandable for once as well.

Nice job. Keep it up and you're no long on the please-die list.

It's an interesting poem, and you have some talent. But that talent will never truly surface unless you learn how to spell properly on your own. Don't take it as a flame, as I think you're ideas and work are very good, but your spelling... let's just say it's bad. I'm not sure if it is a joke or if it is actually you're spelling. You can eve start by taking some of the words that you are currently using (like u and 2) and use the actual words for them, cause I know you know them (you and to). Just those two changes would make your writing look a lot better. Also look up words in a dictionary when you want to write them but aren't sure how to spell them, and eventually you will just remember how to spell them, right?
But yeah, good work :)

This is a good poem. I'm glad you had your friend proofread it. If it had numbers and stuff in the middle of words, I don't think I would have been able to figure out what it said. And that would suck, because I like it.