This is incredibly sad, but that just shows how powerful it is. You really convey a lot of emotion through the use of short choppy sentences. This is really something to think about. Al i can say is, I hope its not written off of personal experience (excluding the dying part of course). Keep up writing, people need to think.

BOO!

Well, as you know, I like the story format. It really fits in well with this!

Wolfie