|Reviews for Chasing The Sky|
| Kouta Aburame 8/18/07 . chapter 8
This is a very interesting idea using wolfs. For a moment, I though it was a girl with the power to change into a wolf. Anyway, this is quite good but seems choppy from time to time. I think the source of this dilemma is your tenses. Sometimes even in the same sentence, you switch from past to present tense which can be very annoying.
Also, there's your spelling to consider. I see you ran the words though spell check and I'm greatful for that but you corrected the spelling with the wrong words, which makes the sentence even harder to read.
Finally, I think you didn't portray the human life of Mew long enough to get a feel for her. If you want, try some character development for her while she's still human to lengthen that part.
Still, I saw lines in this that are very very good. Not only that, but your dialogue was well done and its obvious you did at least a little research on wolves. I know if you keep writing, you'll be a great writer some day so write on.
I hope you can read my story "Dark Star" at some time and leave me a review. It starts as a science fiction but quickly induces a fantasy element. I hope if you read my story, you'll enjoy it
| DarkWolfSpirit 8/18/07 . chapter 8
Well... I can only say one thing. You violated the rules of FictionPress by using a copyrighted song in your story. You can't do that. These chapters can only contain what you wrote. Believe it or not, songfics are also not allowed on either; even though so many people write them. Also, I'm not seeing what you're seeing. You need more description to make the chapters longer. Other than that, update soon.
| DarkWolfSpirit 7/27/07 . chapter 7
A decent chapter. However, Mew killed the previous beta and became beta, but when Shima beat her by injury he was exiled from the pack. Rank changes don't happen just with death. Other than that, the chapter's pretty good. Update soon.
| DarkWolfSpirit 7/18/07 . chapter 6
Pretty good chapter. LK 2 parallels are fine, but don't use too many. Also, I feel like the pups would be killed if they were Shadow's because they would be the pups of a former high ranked male from a rival pack. Good job though.
| DarkWolfSpirit 7/18/07 . chapter 5
Wow... That's the best action sequence this story has seen yet. Kudos to you, though again, lengthen your paragraphs slightly. Also, when your characters talk, it's good to actually have the talking instead of saying they talked and then explaining what they talk about. A good story includes a balance of talking and description, and there was so much Ai and Mew could have talked about when talking about her not being able to reproduce. Still, kudos to the action though.
| DarkWolfSpirit 7/18/07 . chapter 4
One question, how did hunters for fur coats become humans with tranquilizers trying to help? It feels like a large chapter is missing between the capture and escape. This is a big inconsistency, and I believe you should refer to your other chapters whenever you're writing new chapters to keep that from happening. I do the same all the time. Again, it feels like it's going too fast, and you should lengthen your chapters and draw out the conflicts more than you have.
| DarkWolfSpirit 7/18/07 . chapter 3
This wasn't one of your best chapters so far. It was fairly short, the action happened way too fast, there was little description at all, and paragraphs should be at least 3-4 sentences while all but one of the paragraphs in this chapter were only 1-2 sentences. I'm not trying to be harsh, but just listing things that need to be improved to help you be a better writer.
Other than that, the chapter was good in the fact it advanced the plot.
| DarkWolfSpirit 7/18/07 . chapter 2
Again, good job. The description is pretty good, though could improve in little places. I feel like the acceptance may have been a little too quick, but it worked out fine.
| DarkWolfSpirit 7/18/07 . chapter 1
Cheese puffs! Sorry, just thought I'd identify myself in a way you'd understand really quickly. Sorry I haven't reviewed before this point. I had books to read for school. Anyway, enough about that, here's my actual review.
The story's good. I love the plot. You should re-read before posting because there were a few typos, but that's just my advice. One typo I should point out is you put sire (what one would address a king as) instead of sir (one would address an adult male as), but that's funny if it was meant as sarcasm on Mew's part. I'm just being critical. Good job, and I will now continue to review every chapter written.
| LunaWolfheart 6/25/07 . chapter 4
its really cute i like the story so far! please update soon!
| LunaWolfheart 6/25/07 . chapter 1
cute frist chapter! i enjoyed it