Reviews for Ariana, Be Forgotten

Reviews For: Ariana, Be Forgotten - Reviews: Page 1 of 5

gina 2008-03-09 ch 8, anon.	abuseforget last review from me. Sorry, didn't read entire note and mistook what you wrote in summery for stopping the story perminitly. Again, I appoligize.
Gina 2008-03-09 ch 8, anon.	abuseAny chance you'll let me carry on the story? I was a real big fan of it and was very disapointed when you stopped writing it. I'm in need of a good start for a story (I stink at writing a catchy one)and this is a pretty good one. Please? thank you in advance for you time, and please take my request into consideration, I promise that if you let me I won't put your story to shame.
Triller-Girl 2007-11-12 ch 8,	abuseWah...you t-took it o-of...WAH! I loved it so much...really...
Kenna-Kat11 2007-11-04 ch 1,	abusei love it, it was so good! the writing flows very well and the description was good too...overall i can't wait to see what happens next! ~E~
Dragonstaker21 2007-08-09 ch 7,	abusethis is so cool! In the end there it seemed like she might be vampire as well, especilly from how she was unafected by anything she saw. Please let me know if I'm right in a chapter soon!
Zack 2007-08-01 ch 7, anon.	abuseI didn't notice much difference in your draft and this one edited by Alice...whoever...anyway, I like this chapter very much more than the one you took down. Good job!
ohthevoices 2007-08-01 ch 7,	abuse"..and saw that the figure in the green cloak has started to stroll quietly to her location." I'm assuming that "has" is a typo? Aw, winging it. It works for Jack Sparrow, doesn't it? =P You'll probably want to watch the whole "it's" vs "its" thing. I notice you're using "it's" when you mean it to be possessive, in which case you want to use "its". The other one is a contraction. "un route" = "en route" "The large outlaw has his sword pointed downwards..." Present tense again I didn't mind the gore too much. For some reason it doesn't bother me as much when I'm reading about it, as opposed to watching it in a movie or something. I thought you described that whole battle beautifully. I can't wait for the next chapter!
J.L. Hastings 2007-07-26 ch 6,	abuseOh! Yay! The suspense mounts! Who is this sly devil? Will Lyrenn and Zambone make it in time? Speaking of those two, I have one word: "BISHOUNEN!" Man, they're smexy! Lol. One problem I had, though, was that you often put 'your' when 'you're' would be appropriate. Again, a beautiful chapter filled with perfect descriptions and likeable characters to boot. I like this story. ^_^
J.L. Hastings 2007-07-26 ch 5,	abusetear Poor Charley! He was kind of a poor excuse for a body-guard, but to be able to sacrifice himself so, it says a lot about him. And it really breaks my heart to know that he died for nothing; Ariana got captured anyways. So sad! I couldn't find anything wrong with this chapter. Go you!
J.L. Hastings 2007-07-26 ch 4,	abuseHAHA! Poor Charley. Great chapter, even if it was short. ^_^
J.L. Hastings 2007-07-26 ch 3,	abuse"The words sounded hollow, which Ariana didn’t find strange at all. The thing that muddled her thoughts was the fact that of her four years of life with her mother, one word remained absent from her vocabulary, and yet it was so plainly written on the page that she could not deny the black ink letters that bled through on the flimsy piece of parchment. Love." I loved that bit! I caught a few typos and mechanics things as I went through the chapter, but decided not to worry about them, since they were so tiny. Great chapter though! You really are a fantastic writer. Smiley! ^_^
J.L. Hastings 2007-07-26 ch 2,	abuseThis is a fantasy world that's set in a medieval time-period, right? Maybe you should avoid using things like AM and PM in here.In the Earth's medieval days, they could only tell time by the position of the sun during the day and how far the moon had moved in the night. Foster homes didn't really exist, either. Orphans were generally left on the street to die, or the lucky ones from rich, dead families got Orphanages. Of course, since this is your world, you can have them be advanced enough to have these things, but some people would prefer to keep things medieval, so to speak. Again, the chapter was great and I particularly enjoyed the descriptions. You're amazing!
J.L. Hastings 2007-07-26 ch 1,	abuseLoved it! And NOW, I'm going to try my hand at being a critic, so here goes: Where you wrote, "She glided down the narrow passageway walking past tallow lamps and brass numbers on the doors indicating which rooms they lead to," there should be a comma between 'passageway,' and 'walking.' And another comma should be placed in this sentence: "She had had enough for her entire lifetime she tried to convince herself, but some small, hidden part of her disagreed," between 'lifetime,' and 'she.' (Yes, I'm picking at mechanics. I'm good with mechanics. Lol.) Also, when she was given the ruby, you used 'its' where you were supposed to use 'it's.' Other than that, it was amazing! I love your choice of vocabulary, and your descriptions are very nicely done. I could picture the entire chapter very vividly. Smiley! ^_^
Ichigo in Wonderland 2007-07-20 ch 6,	abuseLyrenn and Zambone are great =3 Aw no chapter 7? Hit a writer's block eh? Those suck I'm sure you'll find your inspiration soon And when you do I look very much forward to the next chapter =D I've favourited your story, it's getting very interesting ^^
ohthevoices 2007-07-19 ch 6,	abuseWait...wasn't the guy who broke into the woman's room wearing a green robe? Hmm...intriguing...

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