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| cobecat 2008-05-16 ch 1,   | I really like this piece! The layout of the city and the other hints you give about the world are intruiging, and the rain theme was a great way to bring it all together. The main character also has a very strong voice, and you manage to mix description and introspection really well. Really, my only criticism is that it feels like such a teaser; I want to know more about the character's history and the world she's living in! ^_^ If you ever get the inspiration, I think this would make a really good chaptered story...but if not, I still really like it. |
| GilanSalehi 2007-06-25 ch 1, | Good one. Ciara is a very cynical character, you do a good job getting in her head. Interesting world, too, it would be interesting to explore as part of a bigger story, or if you ever decide to expand this one. The mood is also very well done. Dark and dreary--characterized by the rain, which is pretty cool. The only thing I noticed wrong was that you wrote "think" when you meant "thing" when you say "The stupidest think to do-talk during an angel dust transaction." I liked your characterization of the city too, especially the part where you say "No even dogs like to live here." That's a good line :-). |