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Reviews For: The Future of Fantasy: REMIX - Reviews: Page 1 of 4

Heatless Flame
2007-10-03
ch 49,
abuseAH SEQUEL!
Casey Drake
2007-09-09
ch 49,
abuseSo now we have to sit around and wait for the sequel, and you leave us on a cliffie like that?! *threatens Ryoma with a Glowy Stick of Doom*

:) CD
Casey Drake
2007-09-09
ch 48,
abuseGreen and red laser swords? But the colors were reversed! *cracks up*

XD CD
Casey Drake
2007-09-09
ch 47,
abuseA steak... *cracks up* oh, Ryoma, that was a nasty, nasty pun...

:D CD
Lady Anaia
2007-09-04
ch 49,
abuseYAAY! Happy ending!
Lady Anaia
2007-08-31
ch 46,
abuseWow 0_0 A lto of mess. Poor Josh and Ryoma, getting all confused. At least Ryoma knows that his siter is okay :D
Casey Drake
2007-08-26
ch 42,
abuse...AWW!!

Well, this has certainly been a rollercoaster ride. Up and down, up and down.

:) CD
Casey Drake
2007-08-26
ch 38,
abuse... why would guards be holding weapons that could be used against them all to easily? Knowing that only one was a vampire, wouldn't they keep Lucas apart and securely locked, and the rest threatened by conventional weapons? This is a dupe.

:) CD
Jibbittessa
2007-08-22
ch 34,
abuseThe dragon who was also traveling with them, is still at large, but that didn’t matter at this point.
*get rid of those commas... They don't fit. And fix the tense. "is" should be "was"*

Obeying the orders, the President saw Flonne send a Josh a lingering stare,
*a Josh? Orly?*

The moved forward, grabbed a struggling Josh, and forced him down on
*they*

~

Uhm... Interesting? o.o Damnit, I wanted to see Josh get cut open by a chainsaw... T_T Though I must ask... Why isn't she using a scalpel? What's she cutting open, his head?
Jibbittessa
2007-08-22
ch 33,
abuseEven though it was much more technology advanced than he was used to
*technologically*

~

There's probably plenty more mistakes. Like always you put comma instead of semicolons where they're needed, but I'm far too lazy to copy-paste every single time you did that. Maybe if you e-mailed me the chapters (in the message, not as an attachment) and let me edit it that way and send it back, before you posted it...

BUT YES! HE'S FINALLY DEAD! o.o Though it's kind of unbelievable that he would be able to jump to those conclusions so quickly (when he was talking to Remington) Try re-wording that when you go back through and fix everything up to suit flow and such...
Jibbittessa
2007-08-20
ch 32,
abuseYou are now involved in the matter at hand in a most unusual way than before.
*more, not most*

Ms. Winters needed to see them all four of them now.
*either add commas after the "them"s, or get rid of the first them*

~

“Remington, we have an issue.” The Head Vampire then told about the latest developments regarding Lucas.

Remington took it all in. “That does seem to be a problem, sir.” He said. “However, I do have some good news.”

“Really? What is it?”

"I just saved a load of money on my car insurence by switching to Geico."

~

*giggles* So, yeah. I still haven't finished summer reading, but the other girl posted something else, so I figured I'd do you the undeserved courtesy of editing some more.
Heatless Flame
2007-08-19
ch 39,
abuseYeah for Ryoma! I just realized... can your dragons blow fire? I havnt seen any do it and it would be handy against vampires.
Jibbittessa
2007-08-18
ch 31,
abuseHey look, I'm finally reading it!

~

I should’ve handled Kyoto better, I should’ve done something different.
*try a period instead of a comma*

*she's a dragon... She got shot in the stomach... If Ryoma's so smart, why's he so worried? I doubt it would do that much damage; the only real problem would be bleeding, both internal and external, and given the fact that she's a dragon, I don't think it'd be as huge a deal as Ry is making it*

I couldn’t just look afraid, otherwise she would be as well.
*get rid of the "just"*

A little run-down hotel caught my attention, and using a fake name, got a room.
*It must be different in this story, but usually you need a credit card to get a hotel room*

~

So, uh, yeah... I still dislike the Ryoma chapters. >>; If you publish this (in any way, even if just for school) set those chapters up differently. Like, with more of a border; maybe without an indent at the beginning of paragraphs. Make it seem like a virtual journal.
Lady Anaia
2007-08-15
ch 38,
abuseWow.. scary sense of god..

Nice chapter though, it deffiantely spills out fears that vampires could have.
Lady Anaia
2007-08-10
ch 37,
abuseWow this is very well written.

I am enjoying this every chance I get :D

I shall add this to my favorites. I look forward to more of the story.
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