I am finally able to review, because for some reason fictionpress wasn't working. :(

Anyways, this chapter was good and liked the fact that could tell it wasn't Ryohei. There weren't any mistakes from what I could tell or remember. Keep up the good work. Even though you have a lot of the chapters already posted.

Bye!

This chapter was longer compared to your other ones. I think you should maybe somehow squeeze in history of the magic, but perhaps you are doing that in the following chapters...? I wouldn't know how to fit that in anyways.

Famental sounds weird to me, not bad, but weird. I cam up with some even more strange words, but I decided I throw them at you anyways.

Marilif (I don't like that one. It sounds terrible, but I just re-arranged the word famililar.)

Alementle (I like this one a little bit better, but not much. This one is the word Elemental switched around.)

Not the greatest, but you asked for suggestions and there they are. :)

Again great job on the story. I didn't notice any mistakes.

Well, I said I'd review everyday...but I still haven't. :( Oh well. I'll review now.

In the begining of the story I was wondering that if he was a prince why he wouldn't have already learned how to fight. I put that in on my list of things to tell you, but then you explained it.

I didn't see anything wrong with this chapter. Which makes me sad because I can't even give one little thing. :( Oh well.

I love this chapter because it is simple. That's my thing, simplicity. Not that I don't love anything complicated that I have to think about to understand, but I do love KISS, [keep-it-simple-stupid]. Absolutly love it. I also love that the fact that nothing really happens in this chapter. These types of chapters are very crucial. There doesn't all have to be something happening.

Anyways, that's all I have to say for now. :)

Back agian! I was busy yesterday and didn't get a chance to review.

Anyways, to the story. This is so much batter. For me anyways. Its straight to the point and I love that, so good job to you!"

It seems like you should have the king say something about Ryohei staying with them, but if not that's fine. I don't know if you mentioned why he way staying with Elodie or not...I'll have to go back and see. I'm pretty sure if you did it would have been in the prolouge and that was the confusing stuff. So if you didn't you could explain how the little boy knew her, or something...?

Only one mistake, "Edolie can back to her cheese-making" Between can and back, there should be the word "should".

Good job! I like this chapter. :)

Of course I will continue to read! Not that I will fully understand exactly whats going on, but I get the vague idea.

I'm glad you don't think I' mean, because I'm always afraid that I'll hurt somebody's feeling and they'll read my stories and say they are crap. So, I'm glad you understand that I'm trying to give you constructive criticism.

You are right about saying that the descriptive words are more, simple, but not by much. Again, there's nothing wrong with that, but its not my style.

It kind of reminds me of a poem that I would= have to read in class. The teacher tells me to interpret what is going on. A verse of the poem could be, "She frolicked in the field gaily." My interpretation would be, "She she ran through a field and was happy." Of course to the teacher it would be wrong. To them it would mean, "She found her childhood." As if it had a secret meaning. This whole paragraph was suppose to lead to that. It seems as if your story has some secret meaning that I can't understand.

It has to do with your words, I understand them, but I rarely use them. I know what they mean, but when I write a story they never come to mind.

From what I could see, there wasn't anything wrong in usage of words or anything, like I would know.

Going back to your words again. Its really weird, you use words to make things that aren't alive seem alive. I learned the word in lit, but I can't remember it. This style isn't really used, so it seems strange to read them. I like it.

I can't really remember anything else I wanted to tell you...So I'm finished. I will read more tomorrow, because even though your story is short, it is a one chapter a day thing.

Thank you for replying. I really like when people give me feedback about my feedback. Thanks!

i like arela. update soon

oh this is getting interesting. cant wait for the next update!

Interesting country, banning physical force :P Never thought of the idea.

How different is this kingdom then?

Your world is piquing my interest ^^

Sorry there isn't much to say. I haven't quite gotten much of an emotional reaction so far (it's so short), and concerning grammar, I can't see any fault. Plus you already know about the sentences...soo..yah... *shifty eyes*

Phew! There are paragraphs here! ^^ *relieved*

But man, that prince was a bit "whoa" for me. Asking him to come and be his brother so quickly :/ And the father let him? That is the part that felt a bit rushed for me.

It's nice otherwise. Somehow I have yet to fall in love with it though.

I liked the dialog btw. I don't know why. Maybe because I think it showed their characters nicely. ^^

O.O

This chapter was torture if only because you had all the text chunked into one big paragraph. Man, what happened to the space between paragraphs? General rule; never have a paragraph on-going for more than 5 lines. Five. Ok? Now edit. People will probably push the back-button when they see this :/

Still long sentences all around. I do recommend shortening them / cutting in two.

Poor Ryohei, his people getting killed :/ The kid is only 7 too! Sheesh, he's gonna die soon unless someone takes him under his wing.

I'd say nice chapter, but to be quite honest I had a hard time focusing. Endless paragraph + long sentences = me losing focus

I think it's pretty decent so far (reading that review of the first chapter, I thought you would super-fancy words). I didn't find any word to be weird or hard to understand.

However I did notice a general "fault". Your sentences are too long often when they easily could be split in two. A few short sentences here and there can help tremendously with flow and makes it easier to read (I learned this the hard way :P)

- Fractured

Alrighty, this is good...if I had the patience to read your very descriptive sentences. These words that you use would do very well in a document or speech, where people listened, but truly didn't understand it. Perhaps its just me. I love simplicity and your story seems to be the opposite of that, but you can't keep everybody happy right?

A piece of advice: You can sound wise, but use words that the everyday person would use. Unless you plan to write a book like Lord of the Rings, keep to to the simple, yet wise and beautiful, word.

Here are some examples that may be wrong, or maybe I just don't follow it.

"Drifts as tall as he was blocked the way,"

I think was should be were?

This next one is wrong, but it took me a second to undrestand.

"Even he, such a young boy, knew what smoke signaled."

I thought that you had forgotten to finish the sentence, but you continued it in the next. I think it would flow better if you said:

Even he, such a young boy, knew what smoke signaled; people.

Or.

Even he, such a young boy, understood that smoke meant people.

But I think the first goes better to your style of writing.

One question: Did you come up with these words on the top of your head or did you use a thesaurus? Sometimes I'll have this word on the tip of my tongue, but I just can't remember it. I use a thesaurus when I truly need to, but usually I stick to my own vocabulary.

This reminds me of a episode of Friends where Joey writes his speech for for Chandler and Monica's wedding and he wants to sound smart, so he used the thesaurus to help him out. It sounded ridiculous when he was finished.

Hopefully you have seen Friends, because if you haven't...then I must sound extremely stupid.

Anyways, I'm not saying that your story is sounding ridiculous at all. I'm just saying that having such intricate words isn't necessary and it doesn't have a very nice flow.

But somebody might come along and think it's brilliant. Not that I don't, its just TO brilliant for me.

Hopefully this helps and you don't think I'm mean...

:)

kay, so they finally sent me the activation email for fictionpress, so now i can review. this is a great story, cant wait to read more!

Aw... Ryohei is cute. And he's the precocious child that everyone loves ^-^ I like how you introduce your new characters! And how Ryohei found a friend (a must for any young mage embarking on a quest, yes?). You don't seem to have quite as much description, but I think that turned out well. It's a cute vignette (and I love the exclamations you made -- "Glacial glory!" I'm going to have to go around saying that now).

Your description is very pretty, and the idea of a series of vignettes is a very intriguing one. However, I couldn't help but notice that you misused a word once or twice (for example, in the first chapter, you wrote that a look of adult weariness was "concealed" on his young face; however, if you meant to say he looked older -- that seems to be the point of that phrase -- "concealed" would not be the word you would want to use, but rather a word like "displayed"). Also, it's a bit unclear, but is he stealing the javelin in the second installment? Will that just be explained in the next one, as well as how he's going to hide a hunting javelin? (Is this explained in another piece of work that I should read?...) But overall, I found it very interesting and, well, pretty. You use your words very nicely.