FictionPress.com - let the words flow
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| hypa to hell and back 2008-01-14 ch 4,  | abuseheehee i love it you gotta keep going please :) |
| hypa to hell and back 2008-01-04 ch 3, | abuseoh whats in the loaf or what ever it is i want to know hehe its realy good has good potential keep going ok |
| misery sister 2008-01-04 ch 3, | abuseGreat story so far! Keep it up! :D |
| Elli Cole 2007-06-28 ch 2, | abuseM... continue, hun. xD |
| ihrtbks 2007-06-26 ch 2, | abuseInteresting...bring flowers. I like your MC and love your writing style! UPDATE SOON! |
| Ashelin 2007-06-26 ch 2, | abuseThat was quite amusing. The first part was confusing though, because we don't know who the girl was, or if it was a dream, or what happened. Also I don't think you should have your character refer to the chapters: "If you didn't notice from the previous chapter, I work in a bakery named "Pan de Panda"." Unless this is some sort of diary, it sounds weird. Most characters aren't supposed to think they are in a book or story. But other than that it was pretty good. Keep working at it. :] Ashelin |
| Ashelin 2007-06-26 ch 1, | abuseHm, interesting. Good for a first chapter. It would be cool to see more of this. |