   shimba 2009-10-05 . chapter 16Well I can't give my complete opinion untill you finish the book. However, so far the story reads well, flows, if you will. The grammar is really good, well edited. There is a constant supply of new mythical creatures, you obviously know your stuff.
Some small changes I would like to see. The book is very simple, this makes it very user friendly for all ages, however I think you could get away with making it just a little deeper, a tiny bit more complex. On this note, perhaps you could put a bit more of your own spin on some of the mythical creatures/chracters you use. Also, maybe you could shroud it a little mystery at the start.
Was a good read though, some parts were very professional, urged the reader on. Others, could use some tweaking.
Liam |
| shimba 2009-10-05 . chapter 8 Yeah, he needed to die. Well written |
| shimba 2009-10-05 . chapter 2 Ok I changed my mind a bit, the first sentence doesn't suck, I just don't like the use of the word down, twice. Swap one of tehm for something else.
liam |
| shimba 2009-10-05 . chapter 1 Hey there.
So I just came across your story, while looking for mine (Shimbalama - Real Fantasy), and thought I'd check it out. You said that you want feedback beyond, good work
, keep going, so here goes.
The first sentence sucked. Actually the first paragraph or two were kinda clumbsy, perhaps a little redundant in word use. I'm compareing you to published authors of course, not claiming that i can do better. However, if this book is targeted at teens, maybe you wouldn't want to make it any more wordy. Anyway, the rest was great, easily flowing dialgue, contrasting characters and so forth, just think that your intro needs to be more punchy.
I'm interested in where you're going with this, as its vaguely the same premis as what I'm doing. If you could find time to have a look at my work, that would be appreciated.
liam |
 xXBlazeXx 2009-09-30 . chapter 1That was a very good start and I cant wait to read more. I would leave a better review and read the remaining chapters but frankly I am too tired. High school does that to someone, well at least to me though Im a Sophomore. Nonetheless, I cant wait to read about what happens next. =P ~Blaze~ |
 the-Imagined 2008-01-03 . chapter 14those sound like the talismans from everworld! but then again, this story is like everworld! |
| the-Imagined 2007-10-30 . chapter 6 im reviewing! |
| the-Imagined 2007-10-30 . chapter 5 o.0 oh de-ah! |
| the-Imagined 2007-10-30 . chapter 4 im reviewing! |
| the-Imagined 2007-10-30 . chapter 3 im reviewing! |
| the-Imagined 2007-10-30 . chapter 2 im reviewing! |
| the-Imagined 2007-10-30 . chapter 1 im reviewing! |
 SuperTD 2007-10-27 . chapter 10Lexa is always so mysterious. Sorry it took me a while to review. Update soon! |
 Twilight Starr 2007-09-26 . chapter 8Emotional chapter.
Have a lovely day. :)
~Twilight Starr~ |
| SuperTD 2007-09-25 . chapter 7 Hectors dead! But there was some good in him after all. Update soon! |
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