So apart from the grammar comment of: try to use less 'And's, this poem is pretty good. Except you mention the beating of drums and what not so my comment would be for you to make the poem flow, maybe using some other words, like the beating of a drum. I don't remember what poet was really good at this kind of thing...maybe even Edgar Allen Poe, with his "Bells". Try to incorporate that. Other than that, I got the message and the feeling behind it so your goal in that was accomplished.

hey... it was a little normal (like, hm, hard to describe), it sounded like a lot of other emo poems, but i did like the last line, it was really good. -mly

I really enjoyed reading this poem. Your use of imagery was wonderful, and really made the setting of the poem come alive.