this is really quite marvelous. as has been remarked, your sensory approach is flawless. constructively, your dialect is slightly distracting. it would better to just spell out "lord" or "no" and use diction or context to make it visualized as the pronounciation you're looking for. also, some lines bogged down the piece. a little more stringent editting would have been nice. this IS a positive review. you set the mood nicely and set a scene.

Wow... that was amazing. Your word choices are perfect. The imagery is so vivid and appeals to all five senses. I love it. This is definitely a work of genius. And that's a good title, too. Keep it up. I really admire your talent.