This is monologue of good quality. It is easy to see where you have been influenced by other writers, and whilst this is important, perhaps you should find a way to incorporate it better. The part about hte cheap notebook is obviously a throw-away comment which perhaps doesn't fit in with the rest of the story. However, this story improves in quality as you progress through it. The names were well chosen, fitting well with the type of story. Perhaps the switching between present and past tenses should be slightly longer, not because you did it at the wrong time, but becuase it being a short story with short paragraphs it takes a little time to settle into each part, and when you swith again, it takes the same time to settle again.

Lovely ending. In fact it's almost awesome, but the part you repeated should be the very end. Whether that means you add the last last bit onto the beginning or get rid of it ... well ...

Anyway; that's my opinion.

I'll be reading more.

This was an incredible find. I love how you brought it full circle, by going back to the first chapter. Everything throughout is so morose, but so beautiful. Also, the way you structured the story is so unique and powerful. I can't give you enough praise for this I don't think, so I'll simply say: thank you, for sharing it.

You can write such powerful things with such few words, it's amazing.

Aw, sad.

I love how you end the first paragraph with a 'giant, wet spot.' It's so not glamorous and just really sticks out amongst everything else.

I'll have to wait to finish this until later, but I'm looking forward to it. This is really a gem though.

Eh.. it's getting a little angsty, which isn't really my thing, but it's still exceptionally well written and beautiful in its own right.

Whoa... this imagery is just incredible. Just... wow.

Now here's something different... Hrm... Very lryical. I shall read on.

Okay, interesting. So I am guessing this is before those people from the last book killed Adam corect? I like it, the change of narrator is really really interesting, the chapters are a lot shorter than an I have ever seen in your books, but they continue to be that way-so I'm guessing there is a reason. Anyway...

Love ya lots.

Tim

Wow, this came as a surprise to me. I had really thought that Iris' little sister was, well, little. I thought she was ten. This really shocked me, and I guess that's a good thing. Your writing is so amazing. ]

I love the suspense of your story, so please keep writing. Thank you for adding this chapter.

This is a really good chapter. I really like the imagery you use, it really enhances the story and makes you feel as though you are there.

I really like the emotions that this chapter portrays, it sounds extremely realistic and I can't wait until you write more and I can finally figure out who is narrating the story.

VERY cool! I just realized that this is in fact the Sequel to Eden. But now I have many questions, and you great use of Suspense ha once again entangled me. So hurry with the next chapter, I'm sure it will be great! D

Love,

TIm H.

Absolutely amazing. The imagery, for lack of explanation and more use of medaphor and simile, is absolutely great. I love your writing and always will.

Love Tim H.

Again, incredibly beautiful. It's just so abstract and poetic...it's unlike anything I've ever read before.

(I was about to say 'I hope you continue!' but then I remembered the message you sent...ha, so I guess you will continue! Yay!)