|Reviews for Falling Through|
| Evelyn O' Sullivan 7/2/07 . chapter 1
I like how your story starts from the opening paragraph and cuts out any of the crap you often find in prologues. The main character is clearly shown as someone who sticks to the background, hides behind his friend's shadow, and lets people walk over him. But why does he disapear out of a basement office hallway? There is nothing to suggest that anything will happen or is happening, there's just nothing to step on and a flash of light. The last sentence makes no sense. Actually, I'm not even entirely sure what the last sentence is. Is it "And then;" in which case, it should be ... but really that doesnt fit, or is it "No really. Think about it." which is not much of a closer either. The first and last section of the prologue is the most important part, and while the opening is well written, the end could use a bit of work.
| RavenclawMoose 7/1/07 . chapter 3
I like this story, and I like how Neil is the one they weren't supposed to get. It's amusing and not over the top with anything. That's a pretty refreshing quality in a FictionPress fantasy story.
| Sugarloafin 7/1/07 . chapter 1
This is great! I love Neil and all his dialogue with himself, his lines had me laughing out loud. Very well done, I'd love to read more of this!