First of all, what I'm saying here doesn't mean that I didn't like your story or writing style; I'll be very glad if your feeling doesn't get hurt by me criticizing your writing. Again, I'm not saying you are a terrible writer. I think you can be much better than this.

What I want to tell you is that your story was way to simple. Its plot is more like a scribbled idea for later use. To be specific, the writing seems to be a longer version of 'What if there were talking rabbit?'. You can twist your imagination and create a longer, much better story with this writing. I guess some of your readers, including me, may want to say 'Okay...I like your story, but is that it?'. To summarize, you will be a much better writer if you squeeze something more out from your brain.

You have my apology if you think I was way too harsh.

P.S. I like your pen name, Bilbo-sama.