Reviews for Hard Death's Life

Reviews For: Hard Death's Life - Reviews: Page 1 of 2

Carmel March 2008-02-04 ch 7,	abuseEven though it's been awhile since I've been on Fictionpress, I've definitely not forgotten this story. I'm loving it! It's this kind of story that keeps me coming back for more. So, I hope to see more from you soon :) ~Carm~
Nemonus 2007-12-26 ch 3,	abuse"Matthew held up a hand to let the photographer help him up, but he was content blinding him again with his camera." is a great idea but the word "he" is ambiguous--I was unsure whether it belonged to Matthew or not when I first read it. I like the quirky "blue thing" and the description of the city as a wave. This chapter suffered even more than before from lack of explanation, however. You had a great scene set up, when he meets death and explores this world, and you skipped it for a month timeskip and a past as murky as Trevor's cloak/tail. How as Matthew avoided going to the DDP so far if Trevor is so enthusiastic? What does "illegal souls" mean? has Matt thought about anything besides the afterlife's coffee in a whole month? Can he still play or sing there? What is this world like?! Keeping readers in suspence can be good. But what you've got here just feels like I'm reading the story out of order.
Nemonus 2007-12-26 ch 2,	abuseYou concrete his character more in this one, by the pure fact that he doesn't seem to care about much. He's a hippy sort, a happy-go-lucky person, eh? I picture him as a rather dopey musician. However, I don't know how much of that comes from the comparison to the Beatles. I suggest that you work more of what's in your summary into the first few chapters. Exactly what sort of music did the band do? Show their following too, perhaps in the moment when Matt steps out of his apartment, perhaps through a flashback or even a thought. You're good at working in descriptions in things like 'he was wearing a tuxedo instead of his customary sweatshirt' (see, good; you say "sweatshirt" instead of telling 'casual wear' or something) but there isn't quite enough of it. The descriptions of the afterlife experience are very interesting. Very unique, right up untill Terry Prachett's Death comes along with his capital letters. I hope that wasn't intentional...it's so unique...once. I was expecting something less...'normal' when you described the odd room and the bamboo pole (nice detail). As before, I think your prose is fine, pretty fluid... continuing on.
Nemonus 2007-12-26 ch 1,	abuseKinda creepy ending...I like this. The writing is good and the Beetles parallels are obvious to the discerning. I get tidbits of Matt's character from his reaction (or lack thereof) to being dead and to the swiping at the prist (lol). There is more I need to concrete who he is, but I'll look for that in the later chapter. You had one typo: "somwhere". Very unique concept.
Imalefty 2007-12-08 ch 2,	abusereview game! :) how strange! why was he in his coffin for so long? this is a rather weird story, i must say, but i'm enjoying it so far. it was kind of hard to imagine the swimming in the dirt... a little more description on that (and his whole journey) would have been good. at the end, is there significance to the capitalized and centered words? or is the grim reaper guy just saying them? perhaps they would do better as dialogue - the way it is now, it feels like a sign or something. when he comes out of the well... is he solid? why did his clothes change? anyway, my biggest suggestion is basically make things clearer. it's a bit hard to imagine, mostly because none of us have experienced anything like this before. :P so describe everything just as you imagine it. good job so far! keep writing! -Lefty
Carmel March 2007-12-05 ch 6,	abuseThat was amazingly amazing. Even though it's been awhile since I've set eyes on this story (about which I am terribly sorry about!), I immediately got right back into it the moment I started reading. This story keeps getting deeper and even more interesting. Keep up this wonderful work, and I'm looking forward to reading more :) ~Carm~
Imalefty 2007-12-03 ch 1,	abusereview game! :) weird! what an interesting idea of death! it's too bad he's still tied to his body. XD maybe we'll learn about them later (or maybe i somehow missed it?) but who are "john rigby" "richard kite" and "rachael blake?" she must be related to him... but why is she so important? i like the lyrics you've added - it was a nice touch. did you write them? (they're very good.) i don't know if it was stylistic, but "inbetween" should be two words. in the second to last paragraph, why do you change from "matt" to "matthew?" unless there's some significance to it, i would suggest keeping it "matt" the whole way. anyway, this is a nice little intro. you've set up the plot well, though i would suggest a little more depth about matt himself (i'm sure it's coming). your descriptions are nice and easy to read. :) your writing is so smooth! (there weren't any grammar or spelling errors that i caught!) good job so far! keep writing! -Lefty
Sercus Kaynine 2007-11-13 ch 2,	abuseScary Grimm Reaper. Well, at least I think it's the Grimm Reaper. It sounds a lot like the Grimm Reaper. Hmm... I've gt to be curious. What's next for Matt? There's gotta be other dead people there... I think...
Sercus Kaynine 2007-11-11 ch 1,	abuseOkay, I have to compliment you on how enticing your beginning was. Usually I find it hard to get into multi-chapter stories here on but I think I will stick with this one. The whole thing is an interesting concept. I wonder, whose philosophy of the Afterlife will this resemble? Tim Burton, maybe? Or something completely new? There's enough questions raised to keep me excited. I'm a sucker for a good mystery. Also, I think it was really cool how the song seemed to fit the situation so well. Anyways, nice story, I'll be sure to read more.
Terrance Riverdarb 2007-11-08 ch 5,	abuseI didn't know musicians could be so bad tempered. Anyway this was very easy to read, and lot's of fun. Very good character development; I'm getting Matthew is a bit of a grinch, so to speak, and well Trevor -- that funny little blue guy. I can't really find a word to say. All I can say is he's funny and seemingly kinda dense. As for chapter four, why was it so short? I like the "Rent, rent, rent" part. Anyway hurry up and update so I can read more. Makes me smile.
A Perfect Sonnet 2007-11-06 ch 5,	abuseWow. You have some really great concepts going on in this story. I really liked the idea of his spirit being bound to his cadaver and I love love loved the image of him swimming through dirt. It was just so visually quirky and off-beat in my mind. The transition of time between chapters two and three lost me for a while, but I don't know if that was maybe intentional or if it perhaps just didn't matter? Not a big deal. Also, chapter four was really short, which isn't always a bad thing, but (again) it made the transitions between chapters a little awkward for me. The landlady was great though, really vivid and grotesque. I'm not really sure what's happening in chapters three, four and five. I think you should explain things a bit more, unless you're confusing the readers intentionally as a plot device. For instance, I don't understand why Trevor is taking Matt's picture (I'm assuming it has something to do with the fame he had when he was alive?) or really who Trevor is at this point. I'm also unsure about how the afterlife functions in this story. By that I mean: why do souls pay rent? Where is Soluna? Is it at the end of the well death pulled him out of, or somewhere beyond that? Why does he need a flat? Will the soul die if it doesn't eat/sleep/whatever like a living person? If the soul wouldn't die then why bother with rent and whatnot? And so on... Don't take any of that as a bad thing, by the way. The fact that you have me wondering about your concepts and curious about the ideas behind you story is definitely a good thing. It doesn't always happen. I really enjoyed the imagery of the first two chapters, I wish you'd extend more of that into the rest of the story. Overall, there are some amazing things happening though. It's really exciting to see this kind of originality on fictionpress. Excellent work.
diesoz 2007-11-06 ch 1,	abuseThis is very good. No obvious typos, and sounds very interesting. I really like how you've written this so far.
Carmel March 2007-10-20 ch 5,	abuseI'm really, truly amazed at how this story is only getting better and better. With every new chapter, I'm even more impressed with your talents as a writer. Keep up this superly duperly great work! ~Carm~ PS I'm so very very sorry for not reviewing sooner! It may take me awhile to read and review, but just know that I still am, 'kay? :)
Carmel March 2007-10-06 ch 4,	abuseSorry, sorry, sorry! I didn't mean to take so long to review. I had read this when I had had a smidgen of time, but never managed to leave a review. But here I am :) I can't get over how well this story is put together. It reads so smoothly, and it's so intriguing. This chapter was just as fantastic as the rest of them. I'll try my best not to take a million kajillion years next time ;) ~Carm~
Fractured Illusion 2007-08-20 ch 3,	abuseI am not entirely sure if I like that the "Flash" part is centered when all else is not. This is however a style issue, so its up to you to decide. i am merely voicing my dislike ^^ "with his camera. Matt rubbed his eyes and swatted at the camera aimlessly" camera, camera. Unnecessary repetition of one word. How about "it" or "the object" for the latter one? "The afterlife was still not quite what he had expected. The coffee was exceptional, for one." haha, I like these lines ^^ But whoa, HUGE paragraph there. 5 lines in one paragraph; max! So please divide it in two ^^ (this is for readability. Computer screens comes w limits) "see a couple humans" Not too sure, but isn't it supposed to be "a couple of"? This chapter was a let down in comparison to the previous one. It felt messy :/ I like the characters though. But I really haev no idea what they are doing together. Why was he taking photos of Matt? Also, there was a whole lot description in here. Perhaps you could add some thoughts Matthew had about what he saw, as to make the descriptions more alive? Not many errors regarding spelling or anything though, so that is awesome. Keep it up! - Frac

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