You should try and get this made into a book it is very good

oh...i feel so bad for Cecily. She seems so sweet, and gets stuck with such a horrible disease. I hope she gets better! Your fic is so addicting! i'll be sure to leave a review for each chapter! thnx for writing this! i love AVA!! SHE's My favorite!!

oh, i loved reading this so much! Can't wait to read more! FAVED! Thnx 4 this! :)

Very enjoyable! I look forward to the next story in the series!

You have a very nice writing style. I really enjoyed reading this story.

It's not choppy like some of the other stories I read on this website. Also, I really like the fact that it appears you updated regularly.

I look forward to reading the second book and will be checking for updates.

Happy writing!

Congratulations for finishing the first book! I mean, I know it's been done for a long while now, but posting the last chapters on FP makes it seem more official, y'know? ;D Anyway, onto the report.

[she could hardly believe it was the same person as the comatose a day earlier.]
"she could hardly believe the same person had been comatose a day earlier." How's that?

[dad was sitting next to me.]
"Dad" should be capitalized since it functions as a name in this context.

[had not been because of the book itself or it content]
"its contents"

[that in turn had lead her to Cecily]
[It had lead to the second meeting with Ramon]
Past tense, right? Should be "led." When spelled as "lead" but pronounced the same way as "led," we're talking about the metal. ;)

[Natalie echoed her words back to her – ‘Worthy?’]
Does the second "her" refer to the ghost writer? I thought a gender hasn't been assigned to it yet.

[when Chase had spoke degradingly]
Spoken.

[it would still not have given them any kind of right to say the things they were saying.]
I think it would be fine just to say "any right" instead of "any kind of right."

[The human-shaped stone on her mother’s necklace which hung around her neck gleamed in the sunlight.]
You already told us the stone looks like a person way back in Chapter One, so it doesn't need mentioning again here. The "which hung around her neck" part is also kind of redundant--to me, it's natural to assume that if Natalie's got it with her, she's wearing it. If you want to make it more explicit that it's around her neck and not in her pocket or something, you might say Natalie could feel it heating her skin or vibrating against her skin as she's building up power. If the necklace is touching skin, readers will hardly think it's anywhere but her neck. It is a NECKlace, after all. XD And by "gleamed," do you mean the necklace is reflecting the sunlight or it's actually glowing of its own accord?

[Ava Simonsen is a better person than either you could ever hope to be]
"either of you." Or "any of you," if she's talking to everyone in that group.

[with in a shock of green light,]
No "in" needed.

[all the people stood before Natalie still]
"all the people before Natalie stood still." Oh! This is just a suggestion, but you could also say the people before her "stood stock-still," absolutely motionless 'cause they're so dumbstruck, heh. The phrase just puts more emphasis on the gang's deer-in-headlights postures.

[their hairs discolored]
"their hair" is fine. "Hair" in this context is already plural, so you don't need an "s".

[and her foot steps echoed through the corridors]
Footsteps is one word.

[The bad lighting in the room made her look as pale as vampire]
As pale as "a" vampire.

I love the doses of angst in these two chapters. They do a great job of describing how Natalie should be feeling -- and does -- about the last battle with Ramon and the questions that have come about from it. In a lot of stories I've read, it's my belief that characters are getting over deaths too easily, so to see Natalie continuing to suffer makes me happy X3

Will you address Chase and Lindsay's attitudes toward Natalie in the next book? Since you didn't mention much of their reaction here, I'm wondering what consequences her using magic against them will have... For example, if there's a magic regulations board or something that makes sure Wielders don't cast as they please, or if parents will make trouble for Natalie (since she did ugly-fy their children), or just if Chase and Lindsay's gang will be terrified of Natalie from now on and never bother her again but nothing worse happens to her.

Gah! How could you end the epilogue on that note? I can't even comment on it because I don't know what exactly Natalie's seeing, whether it's a hallucination, a ghostly outline, or an actual flesh and blood body. You're... terrible. xP Making us wait another week. If you were going for the "make readers bang their heads on the desk and tug their hair" effect, then congratulations, because you got it, even if I don't agree with it as a way to end a book.

I highly anticipate sinking my teeth into the next installment. Until then.

- Shdwphoenix

Holy ** that was good! I love it! can't wait for next week! lmao... =D

- Signed Me XoXoX

What a great but sad ending... She just wished that Ava was here so... ava is here! Magic!
Really great, I'm looking forward to reading the next book!

Nothing much to say except... I like it! Update soon!

Wow. This chapter leave me speechless. So Ava is dead... That's really sad. I didn't think there would be a dead in the first part.
I wonder if Cecily is still alive... I hope there isn't another dead!!
It would be too hard for poor Natalie.
Great chapter as usual! Looking forward to next chapter!!

[She could feel the darkness grab hold of the shards her broken heart.]

Missing an "of" in there?

[With Chaos, she could feel the feelings she would otherwise be scared of – hatred, fury and darkness.]

"Feel the feelings" is a mite repetitive, I think. Maybe you could say instead "she embraced the feelings she would otherwise be scared of"? And I wouldn't call darkness a feeling per se... Do you mean "feeling" as an emotion or a sensation? Perhaps you could use "malice". To me, it suggests less general evil and more viciousness directed at someone, namely Ramon.

[This was simply her own feelings, her own great sorrow at loosing her friend.]
Losing. Loose is the opposite of tight. Lose is the verb form of loss.

[This time, Natalie called upon love and friendship to get out.]

XD This line's kinda cheesy (or maybe I only feel that way because it's what I said in my last review). I think it would work better if you removed this line, and in the sentence after this one you could add something so it's like, "She closed her eyes and pictured Cecily and Ava together, both smiling widely, drawing on the image for badly needed strength." That way it's not quite so explicit that she's calling on the power of love and friendship.

[Her brain tried to make its way out of her scull,]
Skull. A scull is a kind of small boat. xP

Aww, Ava. D: It's a shame she's gone, but with the way this chapter panned out, her death was kind of necessary in order for Chaos to dig its hold even deeper in Natalie. Initially I didn't think her death was heroic (which is good), but Natalie's thoughts afterwards did make it seem her death had significance, at least. That was very nice. :)

I'm eager to see how this ends. Keep up the great work!

- Shdwphoenix

Wow... This chapter is a real great one!! You're so horrible to let us like this without knowing what's happening!
Is Ava dead?? I really hope not...
But I'll know that... tomorrow! already :D!!

Immediantly please!! I can't wait for the sequel! Great chapter btw! I really didn't think that it was in her.

Who in their right minds would want a break? XD Not I. If you've already started writing the sequel, I (and I'm sure many others) would love to get started once this story is finished.

Your characters have really grown on me. I can't help but be fond of the three girls and their individual strengths. You know, you scared the living daylights out of me last chapter--I really thought Cecily was dead, which would've been a damn shame--so I'm glad she's not. In fact, all the emotions in this story have crescendo-ed something terrific from Chapter One up to now; my heartstrings are being tugged in directions I didn't know they could be tugged. I especially like your fight scenes. Even though they're relatively simple, your narration keeps the action exciting. :]

I have to compliment you on the relationship between Natalie and Cecily, as well. I see Cecily more as the mentor figure here, not Natalie's grandmother, and in a way I think that's better. We've got enough stories with old wise people as teachers, or an intelligent talking familiar giving advice. It's different that a girl Natalie's age acts as her teacher (in a way) and that's good. And when Cecily's just as confused as Natalie about why magic behaves the way it does, I'm amused and grateful for this new approach to mentor figures. So, great job!

In my opinion though, there are some places in the story where I feel that Natalie's powers are being stretched a bit too far. She's supposed to be a Novus, yet she's gained a significant upper hand against Master Wielder Ramon on two separate occasions. Both of them took place in his Mithridates, so at least I can attribute her immense bursts of power to influence from Chaos, not random luck--I'm not sure I understand what Chaos is, but I imagine it as a partially sentient energy force able to enter any nearby host with enough rage or desperation to feed it, and heaven knows Natalie's got plenty of that.

I do enjoy stories where the protagonist goes temporarily evil and needs a good slap, either figurative or literal, to wake up. Heh. Go, Ava.

I'm somewhat more concerned about how easily Natalie found Ava hidden away in Ramon's pocket dimension and teleported herself there. I thought it was a stretch, or maybe it's just the way tracking stones work? Anyway, just wanna put out there the comment that even I, as a manga-and-anime junkie, can only believe so much in the power of love and friendship when it comes to battling darkness. ;)

Nevertheless, this is a fantastic story with characters I really feel for and hope will triumph at the end, all three of them. And that Ramon gets his little black kidnapping soul rent to pieces.

I look forward to the next update!

- Shdwphoenix

P.S. I checked out your Deviantart, too. 'Holding On' is absolutely gorgeous, the light's practically penetrating the two of them. Ah, the power of love and friendship... XD

Dang, a cliffhanger. This chapter was really good! I can't wait for the next part. I felt like it was moving really fast though. But otherwise, fascinating as usual