The final send off was as elegant as the very beginning of the story. Congratulations, a job well done.

I will honour the finality of the first Pike novel by focusing on the future. There are a few things I sincerely hope you will consider as you write your next masterpiece:

1. Work on the grammar and correct word use. You have shown competence regarding the English written language, considering it is not your mother tongue. However, I would like to see you reach dizzying heights of perfection. Only then will your writing match the beauty hidden in your ideas.

2. This is more of a preference than a suggestion. I think it would be nice if the setting was discussed in greater detail. In this book, we are under the pretence that the story takes place in London, yet the only mention of any siginificant landmark throughout was the Big Ben. I often found myself wondering about the peculiar lack of descriptions in this area, especially concerning Pike's manor, which seems to be in the middle of a bustling city, and also the location of the Monastery.

More deserving than myself of this praise, you are a fantastic story teller. Whatever you do, don't change that one little bit.
For now, I suppose I'll have to wait. Good luck with the new project.

Don't keep us hanging too long. ;)

Until next time.

Ah, it all falls into place now. Ingenious really...now that I think back to the earlier chapters.

Considering there's only one chapter and the epilogue remaining, is it safe to say...that perhaps a sequal will be looming in the horizon? I sure hope so.

One question: Throughout the story, you've emphasized that a vampire's power comes from his blood. Losing this vital fluid, as Pike has shown on many occasions, causes weakness and a few other symptoms. If so, then what of the blood criers? Their blood is constantly exiting their bodies.

This is a truly wonderful story. It's obvious that you've thought out everything about this world.

Also, you are a fabulous writer.

Excellent, once again. Have I used that one before? I'll have to consult a thesaurus for more synonyms soon.

Perhaps one of the best I've seen on this site yet, is your plot. Often, I find myself pinned helplessly under the relentless hold of these surprising twists and turns.

Since you ask for ways to improve, I would suggest widening your use of metaphors, similes, descriptive aspects etc. Recall in one of your earlier chapters, you likened Mina's luxuriant hair to a curly veil...much to my dismay and amusement. Not the most effective, because of the whole ridiculous image coming to mind. However, I have sort of made my peace with it, mostly because the narrator is Pike himself, and not the author. Still, even in a first person perspective, there are few limitations one can't overcome. Just test drive this idea out for yourself. Go on a walk, describe what your senses are taking in: the scenery, the smell, the colours etc. Anyway, just a thought. I tried it this morning, just to see what it was like, and found few boundaries to the 1st person POV, except of course, the thoughts of other characters. Unless you're psychic...

Lastly, watch out for repetition in your sentences. Eg. ' see Amaddeuas plummet towards me with his half meter long claws aimed at me'. Notice you repeat the idea of the lord coming towards him. It is assumed, since, he 'plummets' in Pike's direction that his claws would also be directed that way.

Oh woe...I am dreading the end of this thrilling ride...

PS. Millennium's plural form is millennia.

Oh how time flies...It saddens me that we are nearing the end of this wonderful adventure. So, I will try to put off reading further for as long as my curiosity will allow me. And when it is finished, where will I get the inspiration and motivation I so desperately need to continue with my own story? (Although my interest in writing is renewed every time I read Blood Ties, I will not admit to the thievery you suspected me of ;) )

Once again, I'd like to bring into your awareness the few mistakes in grammar I managed to spot once in a while, both in this and the previous chapter. I will not give any examples, as it doesn't concern me too much. The overall standard since the very beginning has been kept, and I am quite happy about that.

I know I am getting ahead of myself here, but when are you uping the new piece? I remember reading something about it in your profile.

Whatever it is, it will be something that I shall await eagerly.

Until next time

Yes...I gather we will soon discover the secret behind this blood crying business.

Once again, I see this planned and orderly aspect about the way you are structuring the events of your story. It is something I am struggling with, although I would attribute that partly to the fact that I am making mine up as I go. Not exactly the smartest approach...

As usual, the writing is good. However, I did find a few typos and awkward phrasing.
In "It grieves me that I should have to witness you loose that which I loved about you..", "loose" should be "lose".
"..to prevent that the cells inside their bodies wither and die without replacements.." would likely sound smoother as "to prevent the cells inside their bodies from withering and dying..". Those are two examples of the types of minor errors I discovered.

As for my own ponderings, I was mildly surprised at how much Pike let himself go in this chapter. I knew he'd always liked Mina (despite denying being attracted to her), and so his feeling grief as the result of her state is somewhat understandable. But it was a little strange for me when he went so far as to say that the world might be a better place without vampires. (If you find this giving away too much, then please delete the review after you've read it) Here he is denying his existence. Though he was once human, the idea is that Pike has tried to repress memories from his human past, and was only recently reminded of them. Perhaps I have a misconception of his character, but I always felt he was the type of person, who, after drowning in his sorrow, is reborn more resilient, and less prone to highly emotional outbreaks.
Not that he should be incapable of feeling emotion, but the way he acted seemed a little over the top from my pov. I will not go as far to say that your description of his reaction isn't plausible. I guess it really depends on how high of a place Mina is taking in his heart. (almost equivilent to the lost daughter, or something entirely different?)Still, it was an interesting almost-change from the kind of Sire-sireling relationship he was letting on in the last chapter.

Ok...I could just go on and on about various interpretations of Pike's feelings on vampiric existence and its many ironies (and then publish a lexicon entitled "Analysis of Blood Ties"), but I think I'll stop myself before that happens ^^.

I'll return soon to read the next chapter. Until then.

Why hello again ^^ I see I have some catching up to do. In this chapter, I particularly liked the emphasis you placed on the torment Pike is going through in terms of Mina's well-being and his guilt.

The only suggestion I have concerns a particular sentence structure you use to enhance Pike's personality and his eloquent way of speaking. An example of this is "wasting not a moment, I slam the door open...". Putting the negative in front of the verb like this gives the language an almost Old English feel, which I can understand. However, in the case of "The world looks not the same to a vampire as it does to a human", I think you're overdoing it a little. There's nothing wrong with "The world does not look quite the same...".

Lovely beginning. You've set up your world very carefully, and I find it rather intriguing. I'm interested to see what exactly the Asylum is, the Guidance, and all that. You've certainly piqued my curiosity.

And I love your main character. Very well-written.

I look forward to reading more.

Cheers,
Sammy

An interesting turn of events. I wonder if Pike's actions will pose some problem for him later.

Well, better make it brief, or I fear I will spoil the story, considering there is so much excitement going on. :)

Good work once again. The flashback posed some very insightful views and possibilities, which I hope you will elaborate on in later chapters.

My my, those policemen sure are hostile. Is that even legal? Oh yes, what else was I going to say...@#$&*#$%? It was @#$*&#$%?! (I may be shocked out of my mind, but still conscious of spoilers :P)Dear god! Now the story really starts getting good, and I thought it was pretty amazing before.

There are a few places where you tend to repeat the same word, which I will attribute to Pike's limited vocabulary. One that really stands out is the word "shredded", from where he refers to his mutilated jacket. Nothing serious really, but I thought I should let you know. :)

Now, for the most baffling question of all, which will he choose? Oh the excruciating pain! My bets are on the blood crier because it is already poised, ready for attack, so why not address the issue that is at hand? But honestly, can't see how Pike can even decide between the two...

I do also have a confession to make. It must seem so rude of me, but I couldn't help but mention Blood Ties in my profile, and I apologize for not asking your permission. So, I will ask it now, and if you do not find my actions agreeable, I will remedy the situation so that it is more to your liking.

Until next time.

I'm only on chapter three, so far, and I'm definitely going to read the rest. This is an excellent story in my opinion. I was intrigued from the very first line.
The conversations flow very well; they don't seem forced, or anything, and I'm loving each and every character.
Keep up the good work.

Ah dear...that beef thing still amuses me so. I do actually have something relevant to say, don't worry. ;)

Noticed that you're on the slightly lacking side of comma use. Usually, I would never complain to someone like you about grammar issues. Take the first sentence, it's a bit of a run-on, but easily corrected with a comma between "day" and "I". Then again, I use commas in copious amounts, but that's something else. There are other examples from this chapter, but I will not fill up space with more.

The interaction between Pike and Mina is well written. You seem to enjoy making them smile at each other, which is enjoyable, but the word "smile" is repeated quite a bit. Not too much, yet just enough for people to notice the repetition.

Other forms of repetition come like this: "several Brethren around us to take interest in us". You could say "causing several passing Brethren to take an interest in us", or something to that effect. Again, these things are easily modified, and you are still maintaining a great narrative voice + dialogue, unique to this story due to your infusion of Pike's perspectives.

Now, about Pike himself. I was a little surprised that you would show such a soft side to him, especially around Mina. There is her likeness to Emily, so it's understandable. But doesn't he have a general disdain toward humans? I thought he would be more aloof with her, even if he finds her slightly likeable. And so, I wonder why the unacceptable thought that his beloved Emily's countenance should appear on a mere human's face doesn't manifest itself in his behaviour.

It is also interesting that he should later say he'd rather be dusted than hurt someone he cares about by turning into a blood crier. His family is dead, and he admits early in the story that he has few acquaintances, and even fewer friends.

As always, Pike's talks with Ariane are entertaining. I also liked the end of this chapter, with the description of how he feels after taking the blood of the elder.

On the whole, everything is turning out amazingly. It's great that you can get me, and probably a lot of other people to read so much into whatever it is you've written.

Later ^^v

And just when I thought it couldn't get any better. The humour you weave into it is quite astounding ;)

Ah, glimpses of the past and a nice cliffhanger to end it. Well, lucky for me it's finally a Tuesday. There is little more praise I can give about your writing, but I can say this: You're going to be causing me a lot of torment with this once a week rule, especially since it's a completed story. Well, I hope you're happy. :)

I remember reading the prologue quite a few days ago, and it took just the first few lines to win me over. The narrative is charming, as is the dialogue. There's something attractive about protagonists who just want to be left alone, but keep getting into trouble. Reminds me of Billy in Dean Koontz's Velocity.

I hope you will forgive me for not speaking up before. Although this is good, because there is little for me to say, and so I merely sit back and enjoy. High quality speaks for itself, and you don't need me to tell you that. :)

The succubus idea is interesting. I googled it for some background info.