I think this story would have really benefited from being written in third person. As it is, it sounds quite childish especially with all the ellipses and exclamation points, and I'm sure that had this been in third person, you would have been less tempted to do that as much.

I understand she's a high schooler and we're prone to our bouts of randomness, but readers like to read writing with emotions that don't sound ridiculously overdramatic, which this piece does veer towards.

Basically, my main problem with this was that she sounded more like a junior higher than a high schooler, which takes away from the story. Also, quotes should each get their own line, and this would have benefited from being edited or at least read through a few times (missing punctuation, incorrect punctuation placement, etc). But it was cute, and I'm glad xoxluurve added this to our c2.

this is such a great fic. i wished that it was longer; but hey, you don't get what you always want.
this was way cute (:
if you do choose to make it longer PLEASE DO!

aww. nice ending. :)

love your sotry very cute
i always love a good makeover story
sadly i do
lol it waz really good : )

I like it! Only suggestion would be that every time someone talks you put it on a different line because it gets kind of confusing!
But it's very cute nonetheless and a very neat way of proving a guy wrong ;)

Scot is so, *melts* HEHEHE. It's cute.

aw this is so cute!! i loved it

cute!

A nice story. It was very cute.

One big thing is that I would recommend that you start a new paragraph for every line of dialogue. This will make the dialogue less jumbled and confusing for the reader.

haha. very cute story. :D

OMG! That was so awesome =] Great job

Aw:) This is really cute so far! I just have a coupole of little things to point out.

"While he tries to unblock his ears, I gathered up my books off the floor." you switched tenses here momentarily.

And then later on in that section you switched from past tense to present.

Anyway, overall great job! Update soon:)

Aww I really liked this is so so sweet.
And I liked that it was scott that told evryone to stay away from her, I thought he might have told every guy in the room that she was gay or something but I really liked that he threatened to beat everyone up. It kinda adds to the image of Scott as quite macho in my head :)
He's way cleverer than her. I like to think that he knows how to push her buttons from all these years of teasing therefore he said she was gay and that she had to prove it just to get that reaction :D
So yeh loved it...:)

Aww...how cute. x3

I think almost every story I read on FP I find cute. But this one truly is utterly adorable.

Keep up the cute work!

- xo Juliet

aw... shweet ... :D .. this is a lovely story .. nice that i came by it ... :D .. maybe you should write more of it ... develop it further .. take it beyond the brillinat first chapter :D

message at the bottom says it is perfect timing to give critique for improvement .. i say .. hell with it .. it was such a ncie chapter .. only one way to improve it .. dont touch it ... :D unless you write the entire story ... which i wwant you to do .. but then again .. if you leave it as it is .. its beyond perfect . its awesome .. :D .. its inspirational .. maybe i can snag a girl the same way .. cuz i am the exact same of cassie there .. except the genders are reversed .. so i am a guy surrounded by girls .. i need to change my outlook .. and get a girl :D .. thanx :D