|Reviews for sundials and leaves|
| Kinna 7/12/07 . chapter 1
The images you invoked with your words were very strong., and absolutely beautiful. One of my favorite parts was… “the etch of leaf will echo the branch of our limbs”
I thought that the lack or commas and capital letters worked well, and made it flow together more.
I felt that one small part of the poem did jar the flow a bit. It was this part…
“you are every hour
become to me in absence
a quiet surflike roar”
I like the part “you are every hour,” but when the word “become” comes in, it doesn’t seem to fit with the rest. Maybe because it seems to be future tense… sort of, while the line above it, “your are every hour” is present tense. Something just doesn’t quite fit, and I’m having trouble putting it into words.
Instead of “become” the word becoming might work…hm, I can’t think of anything that sounds better right now.
Oh, I did love your last sentence though. It was a good way to wrap up the poem, and leave an insight.