Reviews for Not So Black & White

Reviews For: Not So Black & White

inspiredisia 2008-06-21 ch 7,	abuseimpresionante, no se que me fascina más: que no llore o que hasta ahora quiebre. i still have ryan for shoving himself into his life. i enjoyed the intro of his brother, and his part in the story... maybe he won't spill, but how about laura? i do agree that brendon is a dick, jerk, pothead, whatever, i agree with adam and laura and sarah about him as far as that goes. is there an importance to her not crying? maybe she's got a condition... i once read about this mental disorder, alexitimia or something, where people are unable to show strong emotions, or, then again, she's just bottling up until she'll reach a snapping point quickly. one thing, i am not quite savvy with sayings, what exactly does hay is for horses mean in this context? amazing story! sorry for not keeping up as of last, but college happened... and to say that it is not as difficult as hailey's boring classes would be a rather larger understatement. much love and keep writing! inpiredisia
Emerald Masquerade 2008-02-05 ch 7,	abuseJerk. He is evil. Pure EVIL. I am a non-existent-person-mind-reader, so I know these things (: haha, well, great chapter. Hoping for a little more Ryan next time (; Update when ya can -GN Perone
GN Perone 2008-01-20 ch 6,	abuseFINALLY, she broke up with him. Brendan's a jerk. Ryan's sweet, therefore, I predict there will be some sparks soon! (: Update when you can -GN Perone
GN Perone 2008-01-04 ch 5,	abuseHaha, nice chapter, she's warming up to Ryan, huh? I don't blame her. He seems like he isn't half bad of a guy. I still don't like Brendan, he just has that kind of vibe to him. (: -GN Perone
misery sister 2008-01-04 ch 1,	abuseYou have a lot of grammar mistakes, i guess you need to work on that.
GN Perone 2007-12-28 ch 4,	abuseNo! A cliffhanger? Please no! Update soon! I need to now what happens! But Brendan is really a jerk for thinking she would cheat on him without any proof. Men these days. -huffs- So weird (no offense). (: Great chapter! -GN Perone
somuchformyhappyending 2007-12-27 ch 4,	abuseit's moving a little fast, but I really like it a lot. I think Hailey's pretty believable. as well as Ryan. so good job! bec
GN Perone 2007-12-20 ch 3,	abuseOh! That jerk has gotta go, she deserves much better than him. She should seriously just go to dinner to avoid being sued, she might even end up liking Ryan. Well, great chapter and . . . Merry Christmas! (: -GN Perone
GN Perone 2007-12-19 ch 2,	abuseHaha, I like this Jerry dude already. Brendan's okay, I guess. Good chapter (: -GN Perone
GN Perone 2007-12-19 ch 1,	abuseI like it a lot (: I think Brendan's a jerk and she should stick with 'Mystery Guy'. -GN Perone
inspiredisia 2007-12-16 ch 1,	abusetell you what, i used to kinda date, well, he was really a friend, but we had our snogging sessions over the years, this guy that was very into drugs and one day i realized that i had so many feelings towards him that i didn't let myself express, and that i felt he had them too, somehow i feel that this constante "bickering" that these two have is quite similar. I love this work a lot, very emotional and raw, i love raw, heavily bold and with passionate characters. i will be in touch;) btw, my friend i told you about... i realized my feelings the day he died while driving with drugs on his system.
Elfish Suicide 2007-07-03 ch 1,	abuseIt's pretty good. I like it! Update soon, and get to the plot!
ryansheart 2007-07-02 ch 1,	abuseFirst off, I just want to tell your right of the bat that this isnt a flame. At all. Okay onto my review. I like the start so far. What I'm not so happy about is the fact there are a lot of grammatical errors and such. When writing in past tense you STAY past tense. eg. [You see, Brendon and I’s relationship has never been easy from the start. We fought all the time. But I swear he’s the one who always is doing something wrong. I am not saying I am perfect, I do make mistakes, but he’s the one who is tearing us apart. You are now probably asking why I stay with him if it’s that bad, well it’s because I love him. I am not being foolish and stupid to see what is really going on. I see it and I don’t let him just get away with it. We have broken up a few times, but it was never long.] I'm going to nitpick at the things I found disturbing here. I noticed that you kept on refering back to the reader, suggestion #1 try and reduce that, and refer it to herself. Notice how you used "fought" in one sentence and then started to say things in PRESENT TENSE in the next sentences? What it should look like is: [We fought all the time. But he was always the one doing something wrong.]The order of your words sounds awkwards as well. And you also repeat "The one" twice in the two sentence in the SAME paragraph. Remember to use a variety of words ^_^ At the start of the story most (as in 90%) of the sentences were choppy, quick, uninformative and almost not captivating enough for people to read. The scene wasnt set, there was description or adjectives used to paint an image for the reader to picture. ["Brendon! Brendon! Are you there?" I screamed into the phone crying. I looked down at my phone to realize that my boyfriend of one year just hung up on me... again. Just to clue you in to what is going on; my boyfriend is at a party.] Where was it set? Was it raining or was it a clear night? Was she at home? If at home, which room, doing what? See, these are the questions you ask when setting a scene. And dont forget to use your five senses: SIGHT,TASTE,TOUCH,HEARING,SMELL! When doing eclipses (as in ". . .") always put spaces between each full stop. So instead of "..." it becomes: ". . ." When using numerals in stories, the number must be written out. So "10" would be written as "ten". Most of her inner thoughts weren't needed, from my personal opinion. And the dialogues are written dodgily and, like I pointed out before, extrememly choppy. Some of the things the characters say dont even sound close to realistic. The scene by the car with that "unknown" guy is weird since she was ** off at Brendon, and then all the sudden she calls him her boyfriend firmly. Isnt she supposed to feel some confusion? Just a thought. There are also some grammatical errors that at the moment are too many for me to take out one by one. I suggest you get yourself a beta. I hope this helped ^_^ Isabella.x
hoodSTAR 2007-07-02 ch 1,	abuseI like it. A neglectful boyfriend and a beautiful heartthrob. Can you say disaster waiting to happen? But yeah post soon.

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