FictionPress.com - let the words flow
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| smile for the sunshine 2007-07-03 ch 1,  | abuseI like this. I get it. It makes sense. Feeling well conveyed. Great job. Keep writing. |
| C.R. Diamond 2007-07-03 ch 1, | abuseNice. I picture someone sitting in a desert region, somewhere remote. The whole body of this work is great, and I don't know if you meant to do this, but on the lines similar to "Are of me like mine are" and "of him", instead of making them one line you made two line, this makes the reader read the one line as two lines, giving he or she a feeling of being alone, or two halves longing to be whole, either way, great job. |