I like the first half of this alot. It flows well and has a good rhythm. After that, it's still good but I think you loose the track just a bit. It doesn't really seem to fit the way it did before. The first part had me in total understanding and then I found myself strugling to get through the rest.

I'd ask who you were writting about if it'd help, but I'm afraid that I sound too shallow. I'm sorry for leaving a comment, but I really did like the begining to this poem especially well and thought maybe it wouldn't hurt to say so...gomen-ne.

W-O-W