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| My Atomic Garden 2008-07-20 ch 40, | abuseI like this, it is beautiful and a bit angry. I liked the imagery of "{Shoot up, feel the heart pounding" because reality starts to come crashing down. Good work. Shameless plug: It's the Review Marathon Wekend (link in profile)! |
| My Atomic Garden 2008-07-20 ch 39, | abuseI like this, it uses quotes well and shows your thoughts in response. However, the italics in the forst line are a bit off-putting. |
| My Atomic Garden 2008-07-20 ch 38, | abuseYou made great use of a (cliche) pop culture reference to show how everyone over the age of three feels. I think this didn't quite feel like poetry, though. I don't know why. |
| My Atomic Garden 2008-07-20 ch 37, | abuseThis one expresses boredom well. However, I feel it lacked a general direction. |
| My Atomic Garden 2008-07-20 ch 36, | abuseI like the flow of this, it works well with the words. I like the fast change in attitudes because I see it so often in life... |
| My Atomic Garden 2008-07-20 ch 35, | abuseYou did a good job with descriptions, clear and vivid. However, they were so vague that if I hadn't read the title I would have not known the subject. I am unsure if this is on purpose. |
| My Atomic Garden 2008-07-20 ch 34, | abuseI like it, I can relate (downstairs my father is trying to make his own dinner and it would be funny if it weren't so messy). I like the second line, it is bot a question and an inner thought. |
| My Atomic Garden 2008-07-20 ch 33, | abuseI like the line "jump at my fingers" because it is a beatiful way of phrasing it. However, this one never really hooked me, perhaps it is the connection to school. |
| My Atomic Garden 2008-07-20 ch 32, | abuseThe title is very creative, it sort of summarizes your feelings. The simplistic word choice makes the words very powerful here. |
| My Atomic Garden 2008-07-20 ch 31, | abuseOnce again I must metion that I like the multisyllabic words in your haikus, they are ne of the many things that make them worth writing. I like your imagery, too. |
| My Atomic Garden 2008-07-20 ch 30, | abuseNice word choice, very original and clear. You did a pretty good job with structure, it reads well. |
| My Atomic Garden 2008-07-20 ch 29, | abuseGreat job with showing the harsheness of reality. Just one thing though, who or what is Bell? |
| My Atomic Garden 2008-07-20 ch 28, | abuseI like the concept here. However, I think that the structure and punctuation could be improved. |
| My Atomic Garden 2008-07-20 ch 27, | abuseI like this, it had nice imagery. You did a good job of showing a big idea in a small poem. |
| My Atomic Garden 2008-07-20 ch 26, | abuseGood work, I like how the first two lines introduce something and the last one turns it around. I also like your word choice in this one, not forced, it is very natural sounding. |