That was cute =]

this is cute!

Yes, it did definitely get a little confusing towards the end, but I thought it was a very cute piece!

Good job with all the speech.

No, it's ok. Everything's crystal clear. It would be nicer if you made a video out of it. It's a bit in script form, you know? But the story is good.

Hee, I liked it! I'll admit, it got a bit confusing towards the end. Like.. the last little bit there, where it says:

"We don’t hate each other that much, anymore, in case you haven’t noticed.

Yah, Maya, considering we’re dating each other’s best friends.

Speaking of which, you hurt her and—

You’ll slaughter me into a million pieces, I know.

And you’re allowed to rip my eyes out if I hurt him.

I’m kinda hoping you will, just so I can do that.

Oh shut up, you two.

Yah seriously, won’t you ever stop bickering?

No.

No.

-rolls her eyes- This is hopeless, isn’t it, Ozzy?

-quirks his eyebrow- Do you even have to ask, Sandra?

-together- Oh shut up, you two!

-together- And how are you going to do that?

Evan?

Maya?

-together- Like this."

Other than that, you made it fairly simple to see who was talking, and I noticed the pattern throughout-- Maya's POV, she's the one that starts the dialogue in the flashback. Evan's POV, he starts the dialogue in the flashback. That always made it easier for me to figure out who was talking.

This was a clever one-shot! It was different, and at first, I was like, "Okay, well, if they're family and hate each other so much, where is this going?" But at the mentions of the best friends, I kind of figured it out.

It was cute, and now I have to go and bring my own cousins to their swimming lessons. ; )

I actually kind of like the confusing POVs, it requires me to think, but if I pay attention I can follow what's going on. Overall, very cute and original!

Brilliant. Don't you just love your family, lol?

Awesome concept! Can I steal it? heh. kidding. yeah, it was a little confusing, but that's only cause I wasn't expecting it to be told from anyone else's POV, but I definitely liked it :) God job.

Okay, so that was totally confusing, especially at the end. I was like "Huh?" the whole time. But I kind of liked it.


We don’t hate each other that much, anymore, in case you haven’t noticed.

Yah, Maya, considering we’re dating each other’s best friends.

Speaking of which, you hurt her and—

You’ll slaughter me into a million pieces, I know.

And you’re allowed to rip my eyes out if I hurt him.

I’m kinda hoping you will, just so I can do that.

Oh shut up, you two.

Yah seriously, won’t you ever stop bickering?

No.

No.

-rolls her eyes- This is hopeless, isn’t it, Ozzy?

-quirks his eyebrow- Do you even have to ask, Sandra?

-together- Oh shut up, you two!

-together- And how are you going to do that?

Evan?

Maya?

-together- Like this.


You really should clear that up for people lol

Yeah, I'm a bit confused. But it doesn't take away the fact that I totally love this oneshot! I like the different perspectives and the dates. I got confused the last two dates. Anywho, awesome!

Aw
this is so cute! I love it!
I didn't really get confused, I knew when it was Maya and when it was Evan, but I can see where other people might get confused.
=)

P.S. Can you take a look at my one-shot "Friday Night Rebels" for your C2? Thanks!

WOW. I wasn't confused, but I do wonder if the formatting could be better if you fleshed it out. As is, it's really cute though. A good, quick read.

well done! also I'm glad there was no icky cousin romantic love. that always makes me squirm.

Interesting...I think that about covers it for me...very interesting approach.

Hi, this review is brought to you by the review marathon.
Your summary really appealed to me as a total cliche love to hater.

The format was interesting, if not a little lazy- I think I would have preferred more prose, which would have meant it didn't get as confusing. Also, the point of view switches doesn't it? I'd suggest labelling the pov switches to avoid confusing- the characters are so different that a reader can figuire it out.

But can I just say how much I loved that they ended up with eachother's best friends- you got the plot down pat, but as it is to me the story is at it's bare bones right now and in some desperate need of fleshing out.

he he

love it!

Laurie
-x-