Reviews for In the Snow - FictionPress.com

Reviews For: In the Snow

Imagined Insanity 2007-09-18 ch 1,	abuseaw... adorable. i'm assuming they're in Japan? the ending sort of...hangs, is what i think. but this can be both good and bad; on one side, we feel that we want something concrete to finish off with, but on the other hand, we readers now have something to think about- what happens after this exchange? so. also, i like your dialouge; it flows like real conversation.
RandoMaia 2007-09-10 ch 1,	abuseOMG SO CUTE! (Yes, that was a creepy intro to a review. But it's me, GayNow. xD ) So... Hi. I'll admit, I don't really know anime/Japanese stuffs so I was slightly thrown off by the formal/informal terminology... but I got over it. And again I say... OMG FLUFF YAY SO CUTE! xD The things I would say about this--merely comments and concrit, nothing meaning I didn't like it, because I did (CUTE LESBIAN FLUFF YAY! Ah, sorry...) -you use hyphens instead of em-dashes. Don't get me wrong, I love em-dashes, and you're using them all correctly, you're just... using hyphens instead. Yeah, I'm picky, so sue me. -the first kiss (to me, at least) seems a little abrupt. -as for the ending, it's a BIT awkward, but I don't think it's nearly as bad as you complained about it being. It's sweet. I think it might be more powerful, though, to end either with the action of them linking hands, some description of them holding hands, or a line of dialog. All would be good choices here. Other than that stuff, though, this was amazing cute fluffy love. ^^ Now go read my lesbian fluff! xD My gay pieces are... hmm, let's see... Snowstorm, She Loves Me, Coming Out (no duh), and sort of Closeted. Hope to hear from you soon (and if you wanna respond to this or just chat, feel free to fictionpress or Oasis message me... I
MBaxter 2007-07-23 ch 1,	abuseI think it's really good, even the ending. I suppose if I have any problem with it, it's the last sentance, it doesn't feel totally right to me. It's some how, out of place, I guess. I often have trouble coming up with the end to a story, too, so you're not alone. Baxter
Make Love Not War 2007-07-05 ch 1,	abuseMy friend tried to explain the chan vs. san thing to me once, but I still don't get it. xD Anyhoodles, this is the first lesbian-relationship story I've read, and actually I really liked it. You projected a very clear picture of the location they were, and that's hard to do. :D I also like how I remember everyone's names. When I tried to watch Japanese anime with someone, I got so lost because I'd never heard any of the names and so I couldn't remember any of them. ...Which just basically means that you did a good job. xD One criticism (constructive of course :D): "And stop with the ‘Iwakashi-san’! Masumi-we’re friends, dammit! Not enemies, or-or anything else!” No matter how much I wish we were so much more than friends, her treacherous mind added- “Call me Reiko-chan again!” “Alright…Reiko-chan.” Just the simple endearment brought not-so-small smiles to both of their faces." It just seemed like her change of mood was really fast. Just stick like, a paragraph in between them and it'll be all good. :D And... well, I didn't like the ending as much as the rest of it, but whatever. I wouldn't know how to end it either. xD I thought the interaction/dialogue/stuff between the two was very realistic. That was my favorite part of it all. :D Good job, keep it up :D (...Jeez that was really long...)

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