Very interesting. I like the whole concept of the story and the ending was pretty clever.

Constructive critism:
-Proof read
-Metaphors! Metaphors make a story living and breathing. everyone likes something they can relate to because it's a lot easier to imagine the certain emotion/scene given.
-This is kind of a personal choice of mine and you don't have to do it if you don't want to but, don't use adverbs. I feel that if a story is explained enough that adverbs aren't necessary. Just try and take all of your adverbs out and then read it over and see if you like it.

I hope I helped and I'm not trying to be mean in any way, it is a good story. But after all, a good story can still be a GREAT story!

Happy writing!
Josh

Creepy... You need TO proof read.

Wow! This is a very scary story. It's rare to stumble upon a good one like this.