Excellent! Absolutely excellent! I was told you were good but this really took me by complete surprise. Imagery, emotion, evil protagonists one bordering on antagonists... it's a future novel! I encourage you to publish it one day!

The best I have ever read! And I will be reading much more!

I haven't yet finished this chapter, however I thought there's something you might want to consider.

I've discovered the town of Asheton on Google Earth not too long ago, and also a street matching the name of one in your story. I am now assuming that you're basing this off an actual city in the US.

The radio news report in it was good until the end, when the reporter makes reference to God. Ordinarily a radio news reporter would say no such thing, American media being largely secular.

One last thing is that the length of your chapters is indeed intimidating. Just for the online version, you might want to split it up a tad more, this provides a psychological effect upon readers (myself included) which would make it easier to read.

You also might want to dumb down the dialogue, to make it more realistic. Not the imagery and description of what's happening, just hte dialogue. Not many people I know talk so poetically like your characters do.

I kept reading, still very impressive and enjoyable. Some of the character's reactions seemed a tad unrealisticly quick. They were fast to come to conclusion what was going on, or perhaps that actually would happne.

By my perception, it seems now to be leading up to be a survival horror. It also seems like you've put quite a bit of detail into the city of Asheton which I am assuming is fictitious. But perhaps not.

I noticed since the story's beginning, perhaps I should address it as a novel, that there are just a few gramatical errors. Also, you're switching between past and present tense on occasion is ever so slightly irritating. But very slightly.

I was attracted to your story by the title and found myself absolutely breathtaken by your excellent vocabulary and style of writing. I dare say I wish I was as good as you...

Anyways, your characters are all so tragic. The third person omniscient was not at all irritating as it usually is in stories as they are so descriptive and almost philisophical about their paltry existences.

I noticed repeated use of the words 'psychotic' and 'audible'. Nevertheless I applaud your excellent talent, you definitely have a gift.

I'd hesitate to label what you've written as a zombie horror, it doesn't yet seem that way. But it seems to be leading up to something similar.

I noticed that the dialogue of the characters was... different. They spoke as though they were British with the way their sentences were ordered.

Your story has captured my interest and I must say that I absolutely love it!

Your detail in describing the cruelty of the world and indifference people show towards tragedy is so well done!

I devoured every single moment in it, I can't find words. But I'll bet money on it that you could...

Firstly, "Hurt" was written by Trent Reznor. Cash just covered it (though it is an amazing cover).

Second, the length of this is intimidating. Maybe break it up into chapters and people will be more liable to check it out.

--dreamshell--