Individual chapters are too short to be a manga in drawn form. A normal manga is 20 + pages per chapter (by a professional manga-ka) and these would only constitute for one-two pages per chapter. I'd suggest combining all chapters into one.

A 5 page written dialouge script is 23 or more pages of a manga chapter and written out your chapter in MS Word would consist of 15-18 pages.

Just some helpful advice for a fellow manga-ka from someone who's serious about being published.

About the story itself, it seems intersting, but there is far too much dialouge without description. We need visual description in written form because you can't look at pictures to get an idea of where they are and what they are doing. Background and scenery description provides the reader with a mental image. If the reader can't picture things like that, they will most likely stop reading your work.

I will put this on alerts, however. It'll be interesting to see if you improve, since I'm always willing to help out another author.

Also, feel free to read some of my works. It may help you.