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| Fractured Illusion 2007-09-17 ch 1,  | abuseI don't quite like the text you randomly put in "center" of the chapter. It looks weird and serves no purpose but detracting. It'd be better if it was in the format of all the other paragraphs. "could have killed and army" do you mean "an" army? Or is army a weird expression I don't know about? "I truly cannot recall a time when I did not wish I had the materials to end my life" I don't quite understand. You don't really NEED any materials to kill yourself. Jump off a bridge. A car. The subway. If she really wanted to, she could. And she seems to really want to, so I don't get why she didn't. Aside from that, I liked the emotion in this, and the hopelessness. It was nicely conveyed, though I had a hard time seeing a 10 year old as a suicidal. Usually, I don't like letter-stories, but this one was actually surprisingly good! Keep it up ^^ - Frac |
| St-Jimmy1669 2007-08-03 ch 1, | abuseI have mixed feelings on this. Don't get me wrong, it's very well-written: you certainly have a way with words. However, I don't feel that this is necessarily the platform to write in this way. But, other than that, love it. |
| Salister 2007-07-09 ch 1, | abuseHm...As I am reading word to word, I feel the lonliness and agony that you suffered at the hands of another. It is as though those emotions lept out from the words. And as I continued to read, I began to understand your longing to be accepted and loved by another. Yet I also sensed that longing intertwined with reluctance. An unwillingness to allow another in for fear of more pain and horror. As sad as this is, I know the feeling. You have accurately translated your feelings into words, not an easy thing to do, but something you achieved. Well done. |
| Midnight Strike 2007-07-09 ch 1, | abuseI found myself wishing for more detail of what happened in the past from this, but because it is a letter I suppose that Melanie can choose what to share and what not to share, and she assumes that Jimmy will understand what's going on. So it works in that sense. I love that you put in "Even more than that, I hope you both buy pot from that guy on the beach and get arrested by Mexican police." That made me laugh. |
| Red December 2007-07-08 ch 1, | abuseThis letter is perfect. Words on paper seem so much better than words spoken aloud. The threat at the end was great to break the complete despair from Melanie while still showing her pain. |