Reviews for An Unexpected Family

Reviews For: An Unexpected Family - Reviews: Page 1 of 12

CrazyCowgirl101 2008-07-17 ch 15,	abuseI really liked all the twists an dturns in this story! GREAT job!
Miss. Paradox 2008-07-07 ch 15,	abuseOh god, that was too adorable with just the amount of drama. =] I will admit, it got a tad bit too cheesy at times and me saying that is saying something seeing as how I'm a die hard romantic and love all that stuff but whatever- it's a good. Fabulous job.
HelloLovely 2008-06-16 ch 15,	abuseI really did like this story and I thought it was very original. Most of the times when people don't marry out of love it's because of an arranged marriage so I'm glad this completely changed it up. And oh my god when it talked about his lover and all o that before we found out that it was Abby and not Morgann I wanted to shoot him. I really liked that little twist. = D Can't wait to read more of your work! Love, Becca
Arynth 2008-06-14 ch 15,	abuseI'll get the nitty gritty things out of the way first. I have a couple slight criticisms. There were a few grammar/typo errors where it seemed like you'd changed the structure of the sentence halfway through, but it was pretty easy to figure out what you meant. The other thing I wanted to mention was concerning the fanfic origin of the piece. I honestly forgot about the whole thing until I read the author's note at the very end. So, out of curiousity, I looked up your id on to see what show the story was originally written for. Seeing as how I have no previous attachment to One Tree Hill, it really has no affect on me whatsoever. BUT, there were a few points in the story where you were refering to the Michael Turner as Michael Scott. I brushed it off at the time, thinking that maybe you'd just given him a middle name of sorts, but now that I'm staring at the original summary, I think you just may have accidentally missed a few name changes. That being said, I loved your story. The plot was the selling point for me. The twists were amazing! Amazing, amazing, amazing! I can't stress that enough. Thanks for sharing your story on fictionpress. I would never have read it had it just been on . One Tree Hill is totally not my thing. So, thanks for sharing! I look forward to reading more of your works in the future!
Arynth 2008-06-14 ch 13,	abuseWow... this chapter was fabulous. And the twist at the end has me grinning like an absolute idiot! Ah, I'm so happy right now. Such a complete reversal from the tears I'd been shedding over the last few chapters. Yaay, so happy! Great job on the twist--very well executed! You had me squirming for a while. I actually started skimming when I thought it was Morgann, but upon reaching the end, I went back and reread everything. =)
morexforxme 2008-06-11 ch 15, anon.	abuseI absolutely lurve this fic! It's really very good. I do hate Morgann very much, don't you?Anyway, keep writing! morexforxme
Luv and Peace 2008-06-09 ch 15,	abuseHey! I don't know what fiction this was based off of (fanfiction) but i thought it was original and really good! I thought it was well written and i really like it. It's in fave stories list!
Lilchany 2008-05-30 ch 15,	abuseWOW! your story was truly amazing. The plot was awesome and just loved all characters except Abbey's sister Morgann, She was a real witch, but she helped make the story somewhat better. I love how the story kept on having little twists in there, like the part were morgann apeared out of the blue and then when i thought that Michael was cheating on Abbey with Morgann, it was really unexpected when i found out it was Abbey herself. I think the story was really good and it certainly lived up to it's title of an unexpected family. Keep up the good work of making stories,you make an excellent author/authoress.
Justagirl9311 2008-05-30 ch 8,	abusehey, this is a good story, I read the authors note in the first chapter and have kept that in mind. I think that this is the chapter that most people are talking about. You mention Tree Hill, which is the location of One Tree Hill, which technically is copyrighted, so you should change the name of it. Also the whole Jake/Jenny thing is another thing, change the names maybe? Keep in mind this is just constructive criticism, I'm not trying to get you mad. If this was a fanfiction for One Tree Hill then that would be fine, just post it on instead of this site. Or put something up that says it. But if you were just looking for a town name, it's best to just make one up yourself or use a town name that's real, not from a tv show. But this is a good plot, i like it.
naivete chica 2008-05-30 ch 15,	abusethat was a wonderful story! i loved the plot, it was very original. and the evil twist you played to make us confuse abby with morgan.. you did it perfectly. omg, i was so angry at michael when i thought he was having sex with morgan. i was thinking.. what a bastard, he doesn't deserve abby, the ending better be her leaving him hearbroken. i was so relieved when i realised it was abby not morgan! okay, umm suggestions would be rewrite the start because you writing improved so much and i'd hate to think other people might not like the first few chapters and stop reading. i think at the start, you were skipping over events without any depth/detail. their feelings for each other need to develop and change gradually and naturally. Like, Michael's business trip.. he was sadly leaving in one sentence, and back the next. anyway, thanks for writing this. you must keep writing more stories! i couldn't put this story down, and read it all in one go. i really enjoyed it!
nicnac100 2008-05-28 ch 16,	abusenice story. I enjoy reading it.
Carrie 2008-05-27 ch 16, anon.	abuseDear Lori, I thought you might appreciate a review, I know everyone does. I wanted to let you know that I loved your story and I stayed up until 3 o'clock last night to read the whole thing. One thing I wanted to let you know of is that if your trying to make this a separate work, there are still some accidental words that you have in your story. I noticed a few mentions of tree hill (when i think it was supposed to be greenvale) which immediately told me where this story was originally written for. I think you also used haley once and brooke too. I hope that this is able to help you and that you continue writing. You are a really good writer. ~Carrie
LeticiaTokioHotel 2008-05-27 ch 16,	abuseawesome story. So glad I didn't pass up on this. :)
outsidersgirl 2008-05-27 ch 16,	abusethis is good
feisty sonnet 2008-05-27 ch 15,	abusesigh i do love happy endings... very well put, girl. i really admire your writing and even though the story was not really out of the original, i'd give you points for making it your own somehow.. two things though, one: wonton is spelled as wanton and two: there's a girl name Haley you mentioned in the chapter where Toby was in the hospital. I have a feeling that it's the character in your fanfiction that you replaced with name Abby. right? But other than that, you have a very good story. the conversation was just enough to keep readers interested. and the details were quite impressive. i hope you write more stories like this...i'm putting and keeping you in my alert list so i'll know what other stories you'll be cooking next... till then... Paalam.. (Goodbye) I'm a FIlipino, by the way, just in case you wonder where the word came from...it's Tagalog. =)

Return to Top