Interesting piece you have here.

I liked your plot development. I was interested right off of the bat. The introduction was grabbing without telling too much of what was going on. As I went on, there was a lot of exposition, but none of it took away the mystery of the piece, and I liked that. Also, the bit about Rayle missing was well set up, if not a tad bit sudden. It helped set up future character development and plot development in the future. Well done.

I disliked the development of the mother's character. I did not feel sorry for the mother in the beginning at all. I did not feel any pity or sadness for her situation. Perhaps if you dealt more with her feelings towards her unborn child and the experiments and less towards her resentment of her situation, I would better relate to her.

Extras: Your writing style was a little dry, but very detailed. I really like the name Tevas (random, I know).

Hm... Interesting. I think I would put in a little more action and a little less mystery, so you don't put anyone off, but I think the idea is great. You've certainly got me curious!

~Laure