FictionPress.com - let the words flow
| FictionPress.com - let the words flow |
|
| Home Just In Communities Forums Beta Readers Dictionary Search | Login Register Extras |
| Princess Narcotic 2007-07-12 ch 1,  | abuseI like the double-edged sword style of it, and the concept. It has a nice beat to it, too. Kind of likea song. But there were a few problems: Felling like floating on air- Should be Feeling. And it will cause the people will mourn- Shouldn't it be 'It will cause the people to mourn'? But otherwise, keep it up. You're doing good. |
| Melody Amber 2007-07-12 ch 1, | abuseFelling I hope is feeling. Other than that... the rhyme scheme is a tad too simple for me. You definitely have some amazing words in there that I myself would never think to use because I am totally horrible at thinking up other words so I stick to rhyming big and pig... I really like the message though. Because love really is a terrible feeling, or at least many of the other emotions it triggers in us, yet it is the ultimate feeling that as human beings we need to feel. Love really is a struggle, you've pinned it down. :) ~Melody Amber |