I like the alliteration. It perfected the poetic, painstaking plot. :)

Very colorful. I like it, it like the collision of two worlds. So painful, yet so beautiful together.

Beautiful. Sweet and short, with lots of imagery, I liked it.

haha yeap i noticed the alliteration. :D pretty cute. very sweet. love it alot.

It's pretty, but over-dramatic. Cute, but done before. Great for teens to read but since you're about my age, maybe you should start writing more realistically. Love some of your stories though

lol yeah, the alliteration felt a little too forced. descriptive but over the top :P

cute little vignette, albeit not much depth at the moment. do you plan on continuing, or leaving it open to interpretation?

Simply beautiful - and Kendal rocks. She's defiantly a good influence to have around in my opinion.

It's interesting. I had to check the dictionary about every five seconds (lol) for all the colors, but it's good. (:

(I'm confused, though... are they supposed to be the Sun and the Moon? Or similar celestial beings?)

This was beautiful.

The alliterations and imagery were amazing (:

sweet i say, kendal is one cool chick, as well as yourself and ofcourse myself. i love that in one moment you write this deep well thougt oneshots and in the next a storie that the entire fictionpress forum will love to read, so, what is it really, the funny bit for the joy in life and the deep for the feelings, or just the thoughtafter stories for yourself and the stories for everyone? that is a bit jesuslike or not, P

excellent!

I like it, the alliteration and repetition of what they say add to the beauty of the story I think. There's only one small thing that bothered me a little, "still some stupid slip-ups", after rereading the story a few times I "stupid" kind of jarred the dreamy quality. But that's almost nothing, so thanks for the one-shot :)

I love the colors! I know've learned to say red and blue in over twenty different ways ahaha.

ah lovely, that's all i can say

This is beautiful, I love it.