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| LightningStruckBlackDog 2007-08-22 ch 4,  | abuseyeah i know who i am..lol. you could probably re-categorise it.. make it romance/humour..or something like that.. anyway. LOVED this.. so,yeah. update! |
| LeeDarien 2007-08-19 ch 4, | abuseI love the conversational manner that the narrator has with the reader, but in light of recent events, i think that the story is taking a rather unreal turn,but i delight in the fact that you indulged in the Popular's viciousness. Somehow the over the topness sort of helped to show us their specialized brand of evil, but the sudden and unexpected change in ashley's demeanor i found confusing. hopefully it will be resolved in a later chapter. |
| LeeDarien 2007-08-19 ch 3, | abuseStaying tuned, definitely. I hope now that you will focus now on details more than diologue, though i applaud your mastery of the different vernaculars of high school life. Good job. and on i read... |
| LeeDarien 2007-08-19 ch 2, | abuseThe change of characters can be a little confusing at times, but once you get used to it, as i said before, it's interesting to see both sides of a conversation. i like the way we start to see the character's backgrounds shine through more often into their actions and decisions. Sometimes, i think this was more in the first chapter than in this one, there is some kind of tense error, but it doesn't effect the story enough to hurt it's appeal. overall, very well, though i'm still keeping an eye out for the major conflict in the story to surface, though maybe i'm expected too much of the first two chapters. In essence, its very well done. |
| LeeDarien 2007-08-19 ch 1, | abuseI like the way we get both views of the situation,but hope that a little more detail and hints will be put into situations in the future. i feel like i'm only beginning to know the characters. also, the dialogues is a little too proper. Sort of quaint and cliche. i love the title, though. Hopefully you'll put in more about the characters background and add a little more concrete detail to look into. |
| LightningStruckBlackDog 2007-07-28 ch 2, | abusewow.. i'm surprised you havent got any reviews for this... its amazing! i love the way you show each character... and the way you write is excellent.. UPDATE! ps- seeing how i'm your first reviewer, i'd love it if you read my fic In Search of Blood, and be my first reviewer too...lol |