the emotion in this is phenomenal!! keep up the amazing work.

promises are fickle, words can only do so much. it's great to see the pure, and raw cataclysm produced from it. even if the experiences drawn from it aren't so great to remember.

arcane

Endless nights,
Counting stars,
Walks in the rains,
Laughter through the days.

I am willing to change,
Into an angel of the fairy tale that you love.
Open my hands,
Into wings to protect you from worldly harm.

And it is in this favorite fairy tale of yours that you need to believe,
We will have our happy-ever-after ending of our dreams.
12/17/07

Inspired by your poem :) thank you

After reading the first 76 of your poems, I can't help but smile, seeing a similar yet almost opposite collection of poems as mine. Each one though artfully worded, appears to be the north pole of my soon to be inspirations for more poetry. Thank you :)

For these past chapters, I would suggest that you mkae them a bit longer prehaps. But I still applaude you on your skill to make your poems touch the hearts of those reading them.

I really like the way you make your words flow together.
You asked for critiquing points, if there were any I could say it would be that maybe seperate your paragraphs (example. when you wrote 'It feels like I am loosing this battle') but I don't think you REALLY need to, its just an idea.

Ok in general, I can see you have a good hand for mental pictures and metaphors, but this talent must be honed and crafted. I suggest going back and reading all these out loud, this will let you catch your flow issues. You can really tell that these poems are cathartic, but there is an old quote of Mark Twain's "Write drunk, edit sober," even if you just think of that as a metaphor for your emotions, you have to go back with a clear head and find what works and what doesn't in your writings.

Over-rhyme.

Really love the last two lines.

as an abbess is a type of nun the line should read:
A sweet [abyss] of the mouth have you became
I might review the rest later, but right now I need to be working. I'll try to remind myself.

collecting dust until [someone] with true eyes

though the pain of [losing] love and admirable
actually that probaply could be left loosing as that has imagry all it's own that works well for this poem, but again it depends on what you mean to say.

from now on (/) means new line.
Our garden built on honesty and love began to tarnish, (/) and rust allowing the weeds of lies to sprout cracking the foundation
I'm not sure about the repetition in this poem, I don't think it is working with the poem.

'will be pressed [into] flesh and soothed by smooth lies'
In general I like the second stanza better than the first as it shows how you were feeling at the time and the first one's emotions are a little forced.

I sunk back down [into] the depths
Not my style but very emotional.