wow i really like it!

Good!

aw :[

Good story, thanks for posting it!

wow! nice story :]
i like it a lot
but i didnt expect what happened at the end to happen,,
i mean it was totally unexpected!
i was hoping all this time that something would've been done
but yeah...
i feel for Chase =/
anyways, like i just said,, its a great, awesome, fantastic, and spectacular story! =D

This story lacks soul. I found myself not caring about the characters. That's a huge deal to me because the characters ARE the stories. Keep practicing. Keep re-writing. Hopefully you'll get better.

Oh god...I cried too...

pretty good story, I like Ivy's stubborness.
line 109 (I think)

"And the rest."

Did you mean that or

"And then rest."

?

I wasn't sure with that.
Good Chapter
~Tsukiyomi

Okay, I am so confused. How did Ivy betray Chase? And did Chase actually kill Lex? That part wasn't clear at all...and the first lover thing was totally irrelevant. I really don't see how that did anything for the story. I understand that he never forgave those who betrayed him, but you could have simply mentioned that. Making that a major player in the story wasn't something I would have done.

Sita was another useless character, in my eyes. If the story had been longer, than maybe you could have made her into something interesting. I just see her as a very flat, bland character at the moment though.

I really do like the two main characters, however. They are very interesting...though I don't understand why Chase just didn't kill Ryle right away. Why threaten him? Ryle was trying to rape Chase's true love. If I was Ivy, I would be kind of mad at Chase.

The last chapter really had too much going on. You tied up loose ends well (minus Ivy;s betrayal), but it seemed really rushed. Also, at the end, the way they are talking makes it seem like they have known each other forever, whens its actually been about a weeks time.

In general, this was a good short story. Sorry if this seems a little harsh. I think this story has great potential, as long as you fix a few things. Good job!

I feel like everything is happening way to fast. And NO ONE would associate with someone who tried to rape them...

The entire everyone wants to rape Ivy thing is kind of unbelievable...I mean, how many times in four chapters? Anyway, Chase is really growing on me. :)

Hm...very interesting. I'm curious to learn more about Chase's other lovers..

Poor Ivy. :( Her life seems hard!

Interesting...I really like it so far!

Well of COURSE their weak to sunlight.Aren't all a vampires?...


-Vampriss2