FictionPress.com - let the words flow
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| purple x pen 2008-01-15 ch 1,  | abuseoh wow, i really like this piece, i still cant figure out how you make words sound so beautiful and meaningful at the same time, like its not bitter, its sweet and optimistic, yet powerful, i really like this =) |
| TheNarglesWillEatYou 2007-09-12 ch 1, | abusei think that lots could be done to improve it, but since i'm really bad at telling u how to fix something, i can't tell u. but i really liked it! |
| Anna Christie 2007-08-24 ch 1, | abuseWow... Girl, this is really, really good! I really like the things you use to get your message across... Very nice metaphors (if I'm using that correctly here, lol) and like, about the merry go round and teeter totter and all... it was just... I got this image of a lonely, old, forgotten, broken down playground from years gone by and that she just had to get away from it all... But not the playground, like, the abuse or something.. maybe that's completely off what you had meant to portray, lol, but that's what I got! Anyway, great job! Keep writing! ~Anna Christie~ |
| concerto49 2007-08-17 ch 1, | abuseThe ending was rather cool. Angst, but in a subtle way. A touch confusing, but it was okay. Hm, interesting. Anyhow. Cheers. |
| say this sooner 2007-07-29 ch 1, | abuseamazing! i especially love the last couple lines, nice work! |
| memaw 2007-07-23 ch 1, anon. | abusegets better all the time keep going love ya memaw |
| je suis une pomme du terre. 2007-07-20 ch 1, | abuseO_O Your uber bestest yet, pienso que =^_^= Seriously though It was very very uber flowy! Haha I liked the lines "out of embarrassment of the sin that laced it" and "the suns warming kiss" AMAZINK! xP Though I do wonder exactly what this is about, at least I know who o.o; |
| Crossing the Rubicon 2007-07-19 ch 1, | abuseThe voice of the poem is appropriate and puts me in the mood for something poetic. These are some things I especially like: the teeter totter image, the leap of faith part, and the grass stains. Overall, this is a good piece, but try not to fall into the cliche (i.e., "sun's warming kiss" and "broken eyes" - though I like "forlorn"). Also, try not to use too many adjectives before your nouns. (An example of that would be "this rubber padded cage.") Keep writing! |