Emos? lovable? Not entirely true, I see a few of them sulking the hallways of my school. Wearing their pink hairstyles and listening to My Chemical Romance (No opinion on that one, but come on now.. what the hell!) Damn undercover teenyboppers. They tend to stray far away my kind, the handbangers, the goths.. Megadeth worshippers, whatever you want to call us or rather to your character, who's name I did not catch, I am a creep who lay in *the* crevices of hell. I like being down there, very tropical during the Summer. Maybe I should be emo, then I'll be fashionable and lovable. Or a "gemo"... I hate labels, they turn stupid quickly. Is pemo, a cross between punk and emo? Nrep, a cross between nerd and prep? Oh this.. is getting fun. Joth, a cross between goth and jock.. ha.. I actually seen the last one. Every time I look in the mirror. I play sports, I'm goth. I'm Joth! or rather Jothk.. but that's just fuckin' stupid.

Well, anyway back to the story, I think you should add some more description. I see you are doing pretty okay now, but I think you should show more, less telling. Maybe your character should get a professional relaxer (from the hair stylist) as so my nonwhite-nongoth friend tells me. She's a nerd.. maybe.. although she looks a tad bit preppy, Hollister and Abercombie & Fitch, all that bullshi* down to the fullest. I wish she would stop reading over my shoulder. But that's because she's from the South, Atlanta to my exact, Bankhead to be correct, and they can't stop from leanin' and rockin' wit it to hold a conversation. Right now your character is one dimensional, we don't know much about her except for the fact she has bad hair, obsessed with Gemos or Eoths, and is addicted to VANS. Did you give us a name? A description? A personality? You did good describing her mother from head to feet, but I think the main character shold have been shown more. She could have glanced in a mirror and caught her reflection, she could have described her description in a fitted way.

I like it so far, pls continue.

I couldn’t see on the account of me dying...
bwahahaha. i love your humor - and i definately can't wait to see how things with the "guy that got her shoes down" turn out...i'm sure it will be hella interesting.
and the part just cracked me up when her mom told her to "be more careful next time she got near 'alternative life style people'". priceless.
update soon!
~stranger

Yes it has real potential here. Please continue the story.

I really like this, it's interesting and readable. Grabs you from the get go. I hope you decide to continue with this particular one. It has great potential.