i cried when i first heard the song
but your story made me cry even more,
it goes nicely with the song
i would never have been able to write something like this

Great story. I agree with you about child abuse. Well written piece.

~Twilight Starr~

"worry them. there" Capital. Besides that, I didn't notice any grammatical errors.

Brilliantly written, it's really sad and really good. I've never heard the song before, but it fits really well with the story. Also a good topic to select, it's an important issue. A girl in my town was just beaten to death by her parents. Her bus driver contacted authorities several times, but nothing was done. For me, this came at a perfect time.

I liked the little boy, how we don't know him and we don't know his connection to the story. He seems very deep, for a kid his age, when he was talking about denial after she died.

Also, it was a great idea to repeat the part about it not being any of their business. I'd tell you to make it a little bit longer, maybe add a classmate's parent, or a relative's perspective, but you can't really do that in a songfic.

Keep writing,

-Freaky

Damned Straight! Way to many blind eyes in the world. That's why this stuff continues. A disturbingly beautiful poem in it's own right.

I'm going listen to this song again right now. Right now. Then I'm going talk to the little boy across the street.

it's so gud! ** auwsome actually... lol