The beginning was so mystical and interesting.

I do feel that you have strived very hard to put meaning into the story, but after a while the story is lost in the symbolism you've used and I found it difficult to follow. The end seems like a totally different story. I think if you weave a little more action into the symbols you'd have quite a story.

aww. keep writing. this was really good

Great story. I loved it. Terrific work. It had such a sad ending though. Poor Rosalía.

Twilight Starr

‘Ello there.

1. “The village people had a saying that if a person gave a snow flower to their lover, they would love the one who gave it to them forever.

A young man walked towards the heart of the forest near the village.

The sun faded behind the clouds in the sky, turning them orange-colored. It would be a nice afternoon.

The young man sat under the shadows of a tree.”

Same critique as the last reviewer. It’s a little too jumpy for me.

2. “The young man sighed in resignation. Suddenly, a red drop fell on his right hand, staining it. It slipped onto the notebook, as if it was a tear. A blue thing hit the ground. The young man took the thing in his hands, and realized that it was a bluebird that had been wounded by an arrow."

Jumpy part: A blue thing hit the ground.

And here is where I stop. The one liners, etc. make it too difficult to read. Jumpiness ain’t good.

The Knightess

Interesting way to start it. I like the frequent one-liner paragraphs, though I feel it was just a tad overdone.

The village people had a saying that if a person gave a snow flower to their lover, they would love the one who gave it to them forever.

/

A young man walked towards the heart of the forest near the village.

The sun faded behind the clouds in the sky, turning them orange-colored. It would be a nice afternoon.

The young man sat under the shadows of a tree.

/

The first three were good, but I would suggest to condense the fourth at the end of the third paragraph. The first three stand on their own well, but I don't swallow that last one very well.

Also, I noticed that your description was fairly well done in the beginning of the story, but by the middle and end, you mince description. I don't feel this is the right choice. Don't forget to engage your readers in all five senses.

Hope that helps.

Good luck with your story!

-JAK

(Please review my story, too! :D)