ohh~ this is cool ^_^

Personally, I believe that this story could use a bit of improvement. For one, almost every paragraph began with the "John", and in my opinion it short of kills a story right away. Second, you often repeated things, such as when you wrote that the little girl stood up and then a few words later you wrote that she stood up again. I just, overall, think that this story has a pretty unoriginal line and could be dramatically improved with a little better planning.

I remember I wrote a horror story years ago and it wouldn’t hold a candle to this piece. There was excellent fore-shadowing and you showed the reader just what they needed to know. You had just the right amount of description. You knew exactly what needed more description than the next subject. I greatly enjoyed this. I hope you’ll look into writing more original short stories. I saw few typos, I believe cell phone is not capitalized but I’m not entirely sure.

I liked the story. It was very good and well written. I found two mistakes in it. The first one was were you wrote "all he had hears..." It should be heard, and at the end of the story you wrote "Greg tried to reach Greg by phone again." I think you meant to say that greg tried to reach John by phone again. Dispite the mistakes it was a very good story and I hope to read more from you.TTFN