Well this is a decent start, but try and stay away from the cliche's that come with writing something of this nature. There are far too many cliche' stories running around here.

Also, it's nice to see another shounen-ai writer around here besides myself. We seem to be few and far between on FP now a days.

You have pretty good description and dialouge. I think my only honest peeve is the chapter length (but who am I to talk, my chapters are 15 pages typed in MS word, which is only 5 pages written on paper)

Other then that, I really have no complaints on this. I'll definitely put it on alerts so I can track your progress.

If you feel like it, you can read some of my works, but you don't have to.