Gasp, it's Harry Potter! Just kidding
bahahahahaha

Great story! Whoever locked the doors is pretty careless to have trapped so many people inside(XD)! It just needs more details, e.g. what the characters look like. And it was also unclear as to how Davey would be in pain whenever Mandy was around. But, anyway, good work, I really enjoyed it!

I really liked it thanks for the suggestion

The title and tagline for this story really caught my eye, and the concept sounds interesting. One major problem the story seems to have right now is the fact that your writing really lacks detail. I really want to know what these characters look like, especially the main character. There's a good deal of dialogue, but it's unclear who's saying what. I'm hoping the characters will get fleshed out more as the story continues; right now there isn't a great deal of character development, and the current plot (teens getting trapped in a spooky place for the night) feels very familiar. Even so, good luck with the rest of your writing!

~Otaku42

Yay! I'm in the story! Oh, it's too late for me to be of much use. =-( Why must it be over I liked it so much!

You know, you should allow anymonous reviews to review. That way you get more criticism and reviews! (kill 2 birds with one stone).

This is the latest I've gotten on your story (you sent it to me previously), which I think is coming along very nicely. Hurry up with the next chapter, kay? You're killing me with that cliffhanger!

Mmkay.

I liked how you got right into it, but still described a decent setting. You also told a little bit about the characters [what club they were coming from], and even though there was a group of them it wasn't confusing. Very nice work. Some of the dialogue seemed a little...off, but most of it good, like, things people would actually say, and I enjoyed that.

"“Okay this conversation ends now,” Mel said getting irritated by the back and forth conversation."
"It all started twelve years ago; the year when a student, a junior, disappeared in this very school...I am a student at that very school."

These two lines bugged me, because you're using the same words over again. Why not try "I am a student at that same school" or mix it up even more "I attend that same school that poor, disappeared boy did." Just for some varity.

"...a girl was arrested..." this line makes it seem like it was a young girl who was arrested, not a grown woman or a teenage woman, or whoever it's supposed to be. Details are crucial. You should apply that in all parts of your writing, not just that line.

good job! now ali exists. Next step... me!

nice job! Don't worry, I'm retyping my story, and i'm looking for a way to include you in the new chapters. We'll see what happens.

Hey Christine! I really like it, but now i realy want to be in it. Put me in, pretty please?

(Preferably on an attack force with Mel. That would rock)

this is pretty good so far. be careful of moving the plot along too fast, as well as falling into the vampire cliche. take it slow. keep on writing.

cheers!

roxie

I know you have more chapters! Post them quickly! They're very good so far, keep going!

Cool beans, dude! I really like it. Keep it up!

Wicked twist now it's all on Haley! I think she should take Davey!

I like it! You get right to the action!