nicholeviathan
2007-07-25
ch 1,  | abuseThis is very mature and elegant writing. It's nice to see that poetic quality used so well in a short story (which I think is the ideal form for it). I wish you would add some 'present' to this-- I know it's in present tense, but I feel like the reader doesn't actually get to see anything, only hear about it. Which is fine in a poem, but in a piece this long, you should have dabbles of actual scenes played out. The ending is so powerful, but the style you used (though effective) is too quick. You need to lead up to that, offer some foreshadowing. Your language is beautiful. Eloquently written. |
FictionPress.com - let the words flow