This was brilliant. But in my opinion, it was a little too brilliant! The images that you portrayed were excellent but I could not identify the connection between the tones of the piano and the sweet sensation of chocolate! But that's just my opinion. It was amazing nonetheless!

* asn *

I like the imagery you have going here. It's very strong, and paints a clear picture of what you mean.

Having said that, I didn't really see the link from the image to that of chocolate, bar the last two lines and, at a stretch, the first one.

It's also a very dark poem, whereas chocolate is usually viewed as something good and pure. I think you need to extend it a little. Explain your meanings and thoughts behind the imagery.

I can almost smell it!

I like this, Its so...epic.

I like this one. It's very good.